Money, death and spring

I know it’s the beginning of spring and we’re supposed to lighten up, but I have a hairball tonight. Sometimes I just have to get them out, like cats do. Life’s too short to hold it all in.

I’m a baby boomer and people are getting hip replacements, chemotherapy, going to funerals or celebrating birthdays. It’s a teeter-totter.

I know that everything goes dormant in winter, but this season has me in shock. While everything looks so alive and sparkling champagne flows, friends are getting sick, dying, wrestling with and recovering from cancer, or dealing with money issues in this strange economy So, I went to get my heart and blood tested. The treadmill was tough, but I came out alright – for now.

Death bugs me. It comes suddenly or too late or too early. People get worn out, tumble off a ladder or drop off a barstool. But, no matter what, we all die. I tell myself that the up side of heaven is, no more taxes… that we know of.

The bad news is I have to keep working out at the club and act as if I will live forever, just to keep it all up. Meanwhile I pay my taxes.

I don’t like losing people. I miss some and dread the possibility of losing others. But life’s full of ups and downs. And in the process, humility, and hopefully acceptance, happens.

I felt so selfish about my own grief today as I listened to painful news from Korea and Russia. But I was back on top of life when I heard about an elephant reunited with its mate after 41 years of being in a zoo. Seeing them lock their long noses around each other made my day, happy and sad. Why did he have to be away from his mate for so many years? I tell ya’, when I’m gone I won’t miss the bad news in this world. But, living has taught me to ride the waves and row the canoe – even if you have to plug the holes with chewing gum.

Some of the Olympics athletes curtailed death by adopting stray dogs this month. They gave homes to animals and made this world a better place.

Living and dying seems to be therapy in itself. We all soften, literally. And most of us learn something about love and kindness along the way.

To stay healthy, I can’t even drink or eat what I used to. So, what to do with this precious life left? Have some fun? Return an elephant to its beloved? Make a difficult phone call to express love long lost? Help someone, volunteer or improve the world? Stand up for what matters to us? Go forwards with gusto? Or go with the flow?

As Steve Jobs said, “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

But even as more lives pass on and trees are cut down, humans continue to astound me with their courage, perseverance, dignity, cruelty and compassion.

You can’t take it with you, so what to do? Let it loose and leave it all behind. For starters, how about a dance to spring?

Katy Byrne, MFT Psychotherapist in Sonoma, specializing in life’s transitions, couples counseling, improved communications, moving forward  and the kitchen sink.