Springs’ newest restaurant

Climate disaster for fun and profit

We are constantly reminded that Planetary Doom is inevitable if we don't get our greenhouse-gassing/carbon-emitting/arctic-melting/deforestating/overfishing/over-eating/under-exercising/over-dumping and plastic under control by 2050. After that, the planet as we know it (yes, even the Plaza) will become a giant Apocalyptic movie set. And Humans with our gassy/trashy/smashy/TicToc ways are 100% responsible for The Inevitable. Pretty depressing. Think: Daily monster storms blowing Dorothy and Toto to Oz and beyond; smothering atmospheres of noxious gases; Noah-level floods; and solar/polar vortexes scouring a desolate, vineless landscape to a horizon littered with bones of pets and rotting flesh of countless corpses strewn across a sea of rusted hulks of gas-guzzling cars as far as the eye can see. If there are any seeing eyes left. Yep, that's 2050, if we don't get our act together ASAP. The Good News is that ASAP is almost 30 years away and most Dear Readers will be spared because they -- we? -- will be long dead from Old Age or other self-inflicted disasters that have been extincting people and trashing since Eve’s first taste of apple. Despite eons of religious incantations since, and in several different languages, we've been unable to shake The Curse of Death. [CDC keeps a list of Death's most popular interventions at https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/deaths.htm.] But Smart People have read the Graffiti On The Wall and know that a species which can't agree on who won the last election and -- after 500,000 years -- still hasn't figured out how to stop killing each other isn't likely to agree to save a planet which many of them couldn't find on a map. Instead, Generation Omega is figuring out how to live with extinction, and make a profit doing it. And who can blame them? Since 1995 there have been 27 annual meetings of the Conference of the Parties (COP) allegedly to reverse global warming. For readers uncertain as to what COP has accomplished, it's right in the name: it throws Parties! And discusses how to make money as the planet goes dark, underwater and/or up in smoke. For if 300 years of capitalism has taught us anything, it's that there's always money to be made, even on the Road to Perdition. For readers immersed the latest Recycling flyer (e.g., rinse trash using saved drought water; no food in the 'garbage' can, but Dog poop is OK; food -- but not Dog poop -- goes in the green can with grass cuttings from the lawn your Dog pooped on; etc.), here are just a few investment opportunities lurking on the way to Oblivion:

Microwave home cremations, for when it's too hot to drive to Duggans.
Winter cruises to the tiny island of Antarctica, pre-paid, one-way, cash only.
Cheap Bering Sea homesites. Gluten-free upon request.
Lucrative beachfront property on East MacArthur Street.

Yep, with a little imagination, the End Of Times could be the Be$t of Time$.

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Climate disaster for fun and profit

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