A perfect new restaurant just for you
With the demise of the Harmony Club restaurant at the Ledson Hotel, I’ve been thinking about a few restaurant ideas that might be nice to have in town. Admittedly, when it comes to restaurants, I’m picky, and some might say, downright weird. Yet, I am a completely typical member of the baby-boom generation (the largest homogenous body of consumers to ever hit the planet) whose interests consistently drive trends and monetary markets. When I bought bell-bottoms in 1967, everybody bought bell bottoms. If I like it, millions like it. In short, my whole sorry life is nothing but a statistic. Accordingly, my taste in restaurants may be the perfect guide to this year’s trends. So here goes.
Coping with health-related aging is my generation’s major preoccupation, so candidate number one is Café Ersatz. Serving dishes comprised almost entirely of artificially created food products and substitutes, Ersatz will cater to the aging-heart-disease demographic, anxious to live longer but not give up dessert. Entire meals will be fat and sugar free, low-carb and tasty. Using engineered soy protein, dairy-free “milk” products, artificial sweeteners, pretend eggs, unsaturated fats, lethicin, and chemically created fragrances and flavors, Café Ersatz will create great-looking dishes nearly indistinguishable from real food, except for the fact that most of it will pass through the human body undigested and contain virtually no nutritional value whatsoever. Now, I know that these kinds of dishes can be bought in your favorite market… but nothing can replace good service, right?
Here’s number two: the first Jewish/Japanese Delicatessen. That’s right…Teriaki meets the Onion Bagel! Sonoma could never support an ordinary Jewish deli. I remember when I moved to California from New York City in ‘68 and went to David’s on Geary Street. I almost fell over when, having asked for a pastrami sandwich on rye, I was asked if I wanted lettuce, tomato and mayonnaise on it. Unbelievable… heresy! But Jewish/Japanese… that’s a natural! To begin: Matzoball Miso Soup, a rare fusion of two of the world’s strangest foods. Next, enjoy a Smoked Salmon Skin Roll (hold the wasabi). Next, Gefilte Fish Sashimi, this time with wasabi instead of horseradish. Wait… wasabi is horseradish. Oy! Is this a wacky world or what! OK… so maybe you don’t like the idea… but you gotta love the name of our new Jewish/Japanese restaurant: SoSumi!
Finally, a simple place for complex times, a place where being non-attached to food is half the fun: The Prajnaparamita Diner, where the slogan is “you come in contemplating emptiness and we fulfill your aspirations.” No reservations, no tables, no address. If you can’t find the path, don’t bother calling… many call, few are answered. The menu is based on one taste, only rice is served, and you must bring your own bowl. Those who can recite the entire Diamond Sutra eat for free; all others must do full prostrations before paying the bill.
Look, I know the restaurant business is tough… the food business is trendy, and trends change fast. In no time we boomers will need the IV Grill and Oxygen Tent Café. Please feel free to use any of these restaurant concepts; I’m far too busy to start up a new retail venture. In the meantime, with an eye on the future, I am working on securing the licensing rights to the Rolling Stones’ logo for use on hospital gowns.
