Beware the leaf blower men

Valley terrorists walk among us. You’ve seen them. They stalk our neighborhoods and streets. Usually spotted between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m., Monday through Friday. They wear blue jeans and flannel shirts, a strange contraption strapped to their backs, a black hose emits that terrible element ­ AIR. A white dust mask covers their face to hide their true identity. They are our neighbors and friends, but in real life they are LEAF BLOWER MEN.

Hide your children, steady grandma; else they will be scooped up with debris choking, gutter clogging leaves. Hauled to a despicable place called a landfill area, where terrible things can happen to them. Get out your rakes and brooms and defend yourself against LEAF BLOWER MEN

What is the object of these creatures? Why, nothing more than to help keep clean our Sonoma Valley. Without them our parks, ball fields, places of business would be as filthy as an unkempt ghetto. These strange beings double as volunteers giving their time, their backs to cash strapped institutions such as the Boys and Girls Club, Sonoma Community Center, and other places of enjoyment throughout the valley. They ask nothing in return but graciously accept cheerful thanks.

The greatest threat to Leaf Blower Men are the COMPLAINERS. You all know them. Furrowed brows, scowls across their faces. The same ones who think a nativity scene will turn them to salt. The same ones who dislike an animal statue outside a restaurant. The ones who hate music in our Plaza and howl about the high school fight song on Friday nights. Miserable people.

I’m so sick and tired of these COMPLAINERS acting as though leaf blowers are atomic weapons and those who use them valley terrorists. CUT IT OUT!! Time for a few straight facts.

Leaf blowers make allergies worse. FALSE – This valley is loaded with pollen and other allergy related particles in the air. Why would anyone or any doctor advise a person to live in Sonoma if they have this problem?

Noise levels bother senses. FALSE – An everyday common workday has so many different components of noise that to single out leaf blowers is ridiculous. What should a community do, outlaw all noise factors? No carpentry, no road work, no street sweepers?

Leaf blower workers are discourteous to passersby. FALSE – Any gardener worth his or her salt will walk away from their work until it’s safe to begin again.

Yard maintenance workers blow debris into neighbor’s yards. FALSE – Who does that? “Sure Mr. Jones, I’ll clean your yard, I’ll just blow your leaves onto Mr. White’s lawn next door”.

Leaf blowers save time and money. TRUE – Damn right. It doesn’t take a mathematician to figure that out.
A rake and broom can do just as good a job. FALSE – Stop it. The real reason you COMPLAINERS have issue is because you’re jealous. While your neighbor lays in a hammock Saturday afternoon, your husband is complaining he has to mow the lawn and rake leaves.

City of Sonoma employees are exempt from using leaf blowers. TRUE – How fair is that? The city doesn’t want to hire more workers because of budget. But screw the small business owner from a making a living with the same tool.

Before any more of you COMPLAINERS moan about leaf blowers, ask yourself this. “How have I pitched in to make Sonoma beautiful, when did I last volunteer?” How many of you people are willing to grab your rakes and brooms, meet at City Hall on Monday and help clean the park. I’d venture none of you.
BAN COMPLAINERS NOT LEAF BLOWERS!!!

Jerry Bruno
35-year Valley resident and proud gardener