Handling insensitivity over cat’s death
Dear Dr. Forsythe: My dog’s ear got swollen two weeks ago and the vet drained it. A bunch of blood came out and I was allowed to take Buster home to recover. But a few days later the swelling came back, bigger than ever. I finally had to have surgery done and it cost me over $750.00. I felt really bad that Buster had to have surgery and that the vet wasted time and money draining it the first time. Shouldn’t he have known it would fill up and need surgery eventually or is this something that couldn’t be helped? I’m just glad now that Buster is better, but I’m still frustrated at the expense and delay in making him better. – Buster’s parents
Dear parents: I’m sorry to hear of your pet’s swollen ear and the frustration you had in getting it treated. A blood-swollen ear or “hematoma” is considered a surgical problem in both dogs and cats in virtually every case. However, many clients are reluctant to allow the veterinarian to do the appropriate procedure and “strong arm” us into trying something more conservative and less effective and less costly in the hopes that this will also cure the problem. In a small percentage of these cases, draining the bloody fluid from the ear and keeping the pet very quiet allows for the hematoma to digress and heal on its own. But the success rate for this is very low.
It is likely that several factors lead to the doctor attempting to drain the area for you. If the location was close to the base of the ear, there was not a lot of fluid there, or finances were a big consideration, it may have been reasonable to try to let the area heal by draining. However, if it did fill up again, surgical correction was necessary, and I’m glad to hear that your pet is recovering well. Clients often expect their veterinarians to be clairvoyant, however we do not have supernatural powers and I (for one) do not have any personal connections to Dionne Warwick’s psychic hotline. Therefore, we have to make the best medical decisions based on the information we have at the time. It sounds like your pet is doing well, so I don’t think you should be upset with this case or how it was handled. You may think I’m daffy as a duck, but how about sending a little note of thanks to the vet’s office for getting the problem taken care of. – Dr. F.
Dear Dr. Forsythe: My elderly cat passed away at the age of 24 last week. Although he was old, his death was still totally unexpected and since his death I have literally been non-functional. I have a high-pressure job and that requires international travel as well as dealing with many people, board members and the like. Several of the senior board members were stunned and even laughed out loud when my assistant informed them after T-Bill passed away that I would be taking a few bereavement days to grieve my loss. They were neither understanding nor compassionate, and one person even sent me a silly email asking me to go with him to the Pussycat theatre to get over my depression! They don’t understand that I have had T-Bill since he was three weeks old and I was in graduate school. He saw me through my MBA, several tough jobs, and my ascension to a very important and powerful position at my current firm. He has traveled with me everywhere and even had a little passport to prove it. Suddenly I am alone and cannot believe it – I know I should have planned for the eventuality of losing him, but I just never let that thought pass through my head. My problem is that the other board members and executives who interact with me on a daily or weekly basis are still joking about T-Bill’s death. This apathy and insensitivity has made it very hard for me to get through the pain I’m feeling and has caused me such anger inside that I doubt if I can even return to work the way I did before. While I am surprised at how cruel these “professionals” are, I also feel I can’t show them my feelings for fear I will break down. I’m only operating at half power now and need some solid advice; confidential of course. How should I handle this most dark of times? – T-Bill’s dad
Dear Dad: My sympathies on the loss of a dear and quite remarkable companion. You certainly seem like you had the buddy of a lifetime in that furry dude. And a T-Bill no less? I can only imagine the interest your relationship garnered over the years. As for your tactless colleagues, it is so sad when supposedly learned, wise, savvy educated people turn into bumble-heads when it comes time to showing compassion or grace to friends in need. Shame on these buffoons who teased and taunted you when they should have given you hugs and kindness! The relationship between a man and his cat is special, and the wonderful life you shared together as you struggled to find success is absolutely heartwarming. I’m sure T-Bill is in a better place now, looking down on you with more love than you can even conceive – all thanks to your generosity of spirit and loving soul that toted him along as he so richly deserved: T-Bill the cat that had a passport. He certainly had the passport to your heart, and I’m sure in time that heart will heal and be much better, as long as you hold on tight to the memories and know that things get better each day, and some people just don’t understand that love between a boy and his pet– they never will. But since you do, you have the greatest treasure of all, your memories. There are therapy groups in every city for bereaving pet owners, and therapists who help people work through such agonizing loss. I suggest you look into one of these and find your inner peace again, and I’m sure you will before too long. – With love, Dr. F.
