Valentine’s Day is surely in the air

Dear Dr. Forsythe: My son went on a trip to France a few weeks ago and met the girl of his dreams.  He promptly called to let me know that he would NOT be coming home as planned (or anytime soon) and asked if I would please take care of his two Pit bulls until he figured out what he wanted to do with them.  Dr. Forsythe, please don’t get me wrong, I love Dee Dee and Dagger to death, but they are dumber than doorknobs and are often out of control.

While I do think they are beautiful dogs, they can be destructive in the yard and have gotten out twice already.  My son said he may ask me to SHIP them to France if he decides to stay there indefinitely.  I not only feel like I am losing my son, but to make matters worse I now have to take care of Tweedle dee and Tweedle dumber.  I’m afraid if there is a spring wedding in Paris, I’ll just go jump off a cliff.  Do you have any suggestions on how I should handle the situation with Allen’s dogs?  Everyone is full of advice, but nobody but me ever seems to pick up the pooper scooper. – Had my fill in Lucas Valley

Dear Had my fill: I am constantly amazed by the kooky things people seem to do with their pets and how far people will go to find love.  And when pets are the “fallout” of people’s quest to obtain love, the kookiness seems to become monumental.  In my opinion, going off on a “trip” and not coming home to take care of responsibilities like your dogs is like dropping your twins off at daycare, “motoring to the coast,” and then simply sailing off into the sunset with nary a thought to the impact of your actions.    With due respect, perhaps your son has been sniffing too much French perfume and it has stunted his reasoning.  He needs a thorough “mother/son” chat in my opinion, and if I were you, I’d make it clear that you are not simply going to stand by while he dumps the dogs with you spontaneously to start a new life abroad.  I suggest you put your foot down this time, and not in a big steaming pile of “maird.”  Good luck. – Dr. F.

Dear Dr. Forsythe: I heard you were a good vet from a few neighbors who also felt you knew the most about breeding females.  Our Chiwowa (sic) might be pregnant and I was wondering if there is a good test to see if the father is our male dog and not just some mutt from down the street?  She gets out a lot and there are several mixed type dogs running all over the place.  If she turns out to be pregnant with a litter, I don’t want any mix breeds, only Chihwowas (sic).  We plan on selling the puppies to pay down some debt.  Please let me know if there is any kind of blood test or scan you can do. Thanks. – J.P.  El Verano

Dear J.P. I’m afraid there is no such blood test or scan to determine weather or not your “potentially” pregnant dog is carrying “pure bred” Chihuahuas inside of her.  The only test I know of right now to determine the breed certainty is the “Mars” genetics test which is done by sending in a small swab of your dog’s saliva for genetic analysis.  Even THAT test takes a couple months to get an answer, and this is the same length of gestation.  Of course, since the puppies whose “purity” you question may or may not exist, and if they DO in fact exist, would be INSIDE the mother – not an ideal place to obtain an oral swab – I find it very unlikely that the genetic test that is widely available and affordable would be an option.

Now I must address what I find to be a rather lackadaisical and tacky way of treating an intact female Chihuahua.  Letting a female dog who is in heat go out to be bred by “mutts” down the street makes me think of parents letting their daughter spend time after high school dances in the back seat of boy’s cars or under the bleachers with half the football team.  I am offended by your use of the word “mutt” like it is a bad thing to be a mixed breed dog.  I would much rather be a well kept, clean and closely monitored “mutt” than a poor little pure bred Chihuahua that is neglected during her heat cycle, allowed to breed with any dog down the street, and has owners who are more concerned about selling pure bred puppies to pay down debt than caring for and protecting their house pet.

Honestly when I read your question the first time, my mouth fell open so far I could have caught a fly in it.  I do appreciate that you heard I was a good veterinarian, but this issue is so frustrating for me that I would be tempted to bop you over the head with a nerf bat if you were in my office.  And problems like this can’t be fixed with a simple blood test.  You seriously need to rethink the way you care (or don’t care) for your pet.  Husbandry advice and sound reproductive advice via an extensive consultation would be most valuable to prevent heartache and pain – and I’m talking about the Chihuahuas. – Dr. F.