What have we learned from this pandemic? Maybe who our friends are, who stuck with us, who disappeared? Or, how to ride the waves of constant not-knowing? I wish I could say I’ve gotten better at self-discipline. I would like to believe I’m more aware of my faults or maybe increasingly like a Zen Buddhist. I’d love to tell you that I’m calmer and able to meditate in the long quiet hours of being without people and the usual activities.
What I have learned (just a little) during this global plague is to surrender. The other day, I caught myself realizing that I had to let go of longing… nothing I want is going to happen soon… not a better car or travel. Forget conferences. Forget singing in the local rock and roll choir, Vox Populi. Oh, how I miss those people and the laughs we had!
Surrender is harder than it sounds. Sure, I’m better at stillness – worldwide shutting down of the usual pursuits is enough to slow anyone down. I console myself realizing that people used to pay big bucks to attend retreats and sit in silence like this. Think of all the money I’m saving! Letting go of our usual activities hasn’t been easy. It has been shocking, no matter how do-able our challenges. An entire globe worried about death with every breath! Who knew? Two years ago I’d sooner have expected the government to ban condoms than this.
But I had to laugh today. I was waiting in line at the grocery store, fully masked. I looked at what people were buying. Right in front of me was a silver-haired woman looking haggard and hurried, with a full gallon bottle of Smirnoff’s vodka and a bag of apples on the conveyor belt. I quietly muffled a giggle, under my mask, “This is hilarious… a little health food and plenty of alcohol!” (I talk to myself a lot these days…)
What made me laugh was the comforting idea that other people are trying to find ways to get through the long haul and two plus years of virus scare. Other humans are wondering what to do tomorrow to get through it emotionally and financially. Other people long to talk to each other over coffee – or apples and vodka.
I don’t mean to make fun of a deadly serious topic. So many people are suffering and there are profoundly serious issues going on, like who might we harm while innocently sneezing in the wrong direction. The political arena is terrifying; family matters can collide at home with siblings or kids infighting. The trials of hospital workers and business owners make me tremble – there’s too much struggle everywhere to name.
Let me end with a little bit of hope. In her new book, Hope, Jane Goodall defined hope. “It is a human survival trait and without it we perish.” She explains that hope is essential, it helps us stay proactive in caring about the greater good. Stay involved in helpfulness.
Katy Byrne, MA. LMFT has been a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Sonoma, Ca. and the Bay Area for over 30 years. She’s been a columnist for The Sun and Women’s Voices News for over 15 and has written two books: The Courage to Speak Up and The Power of Being Heard. 707.548.8982. Conversationswithkaty.com.
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