So… what now?

It’s been a confusing, disorienting, challenging century…. from growing up with White Rabbit to growing old with Trump. And now it’s time to swivel again. We wonder whether to keep the slower pace, less social lifestyle, quilting or carpentry projects, relocate, change jobs; basically, what now? 

It’s the sign of the times to be discombobulated. I sat on hold waiting for the pharmacy to pick up when finally, someone said, “hello!” Relieved

I made my request when I heard an echo, “I can’t hear you!” Click. I stared sideways at the phone, asking, “Seriously?” I guess that’s how the kids came up with this slogan, “Really?” 

Changes boggle our minds. We question whether our sweet Sonoma is outpricing us. Who would have thought the workplace could change from two-hour commutes to a walk to the home computer, in our pajamas? As I write this, we don’t even know if we’ll have world war. 

Yup, these times – they are changing. In a recent New York Times article, Kathryn Schulz described it: “The spectrum itself is part of what has made the pandemic so emotionally challenging. The coronavirus has killed almost a million people in this country, while simultaneously taking a staggering range of other things from us as well – everything from a small business to a sense of smell, physical contact to mental health. Friday evenings with friends to smiling at strangers on a crowded subway…. How are we supposed to live with not only such a quantity but also such a range of loss?” 

Shifting and shaking, we boomers were flower children, dancing through the daffodils, but this decade requires resilience and work. These days we desperately need to reinvent society, our community, and ourselves. The good news is that we are capable of positive change. Remember the slogan, “You’ll wonder where the yellow went when you brush your teeth with Pepsodent?” Can you imagine not even being able to brush your teeth before the toothbrush arrived? Humans are innovative creatures when we try. I just saw a friend after cataract surgery, eyes as blue as the once unpolluted seas.

So, what now? Can we stabilize the axis that holds this swirling globe? We’re disheveled but we’re also an ingenious species when we work together and focus. Topsy turvy these days, maybe even tipsy, rumpled from constant change, with political and personal systems more fragile, we are also glad the roads are quieter. 

So, while disoriented, we are also called to step forward, to resist the pull to recoil from engagement in life. As Johann Hari describes it, a protracted loneliness causes us to shut down socially, to be more suspicious of any social contact. You become hyper vigilant. You start to be more likely to take offense where none was intended, and be afraid of strangers. You start to be afraid of the very thing you need most. 

So, what now? Maybe there’s some sanity in what we’ve learned about slowing down, but we also need each other and we are called to re-imagine and invent so much now, including better diplomacy, better schools, improved communication skills and more. New mental health systems, climate repair and a fair economy can be born. But birth takes labor. 

Katy Byrne, MA. LMFT has been a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Sonoma, Ca. and the bay area for thirty-five years. She’s been a columnist for The Sun and Women’s Voices News for over fifteen years and has written two books: The Courage to Speak Up and The Power of Being Heard. Conversationswithkaty.com. 707.548.8982.