Taylor Swift, Kamala and the Patriarchy

Is the patriarchy dying? Could we be in a crescendo of change? As Clarissa Pinkola Estés (Author of Women Who Run with The Wolves) wrote, “The Black Madonna, in all her representations, is known as the healer of crippledness, the healer of harmed women, hurt men and injured and abused children. She is mother mild and tender, mother most alert and tending to, mother most fierce and protective, and mother who heals the worst of the wounded.”  

This Black Madonna is an ancient female figure going far back in history. Marion Woodman, a deep-thinking, wise Jungian worded her description of the archetype this way: She’s “smoldering and now begins to threaten and erupt in a way, on our planet, and demand a more conscious recognition. So, that would be redeeming what we have rejected, hidden or not wanted to make room for.” In essence, she’s representing a kinder way of life – not authoritarian and angry, but the “re-emergence of the divine feminine as something that had been cast aside or relegated as an unimportant piece – ultimately, a patriarchal way of life that’s become too one-sided.” What the Black Madonna offers us is “to come back into relationship with that which would be a balancer for becoming too one-sided in our belief systems.” 

In other words, it’s not a put down of men, but is rather intended to embrace values that have not been integrated into society, like caring about the common good. I remember Woodman talking about this Madonna symbol thirty years ago. Even then, I wondered if maybe in my lifetime, if I lived to see it, it could occur that the patriarchy might be shifting in its aggressive values. I see it in my therapy office often. It used to be women dragging reluctant men to the office to “talk about the relationship.” Now it’s mostly men who call me for couples or family counseling. Many men are learning to understand their own nature with more curiosity and sincere introspection. They are tip-toeing toward softness and vulnerability, good communication and including assertion as well. The integration of a whole human is the task of humanity now. As Terry Patten said, “We are in a race between catastrophe and consciousness.” 

The way I recall Woodman’s talks, she implied that when the feminine side of nature was about to be honored, there would be a dark fight because the aggressive, unconscious, angry side of the masculine nature would rear its ugly head. I always pictured it as a huge spider on its back, trying to get upright again. 

And, no matter what else we all believe, it also moved me to see President Biden, an aging male, bowing to a youngerf emale whom he had carefully chosen and who stood by him in front of the press for his entire presidency. Here was an elder male giving a female her sovereignty, the respect we females have wanted for centuries.

Futurist Riane Eisler and anthropologist Douglas P. Fry have written extensively about the integration of female values, what could be called horizontal power, inferring it is not vertical, top-down, dictator-like, but rather a milieu with compassion for all life. In their book, “Nurturing Our Humanity: How Domination and Partnership Shape Our Brains, Lives, and Future,” they show that, contrary to popular beliefs about “selfish genes” driving human behavior, how people think and feel is heavily influenced by whether they grow up in partnership or domination oriented environments. They document that, in reality, humans in the course of evolution developed a propensity for empathy, caring, and creativity, which is, however, inhibited in domination systems. The book further points to interventions that can accelerate the contemporary movement toward partnership and prevent further regressions to domination.

It has to be said though, as much as I grimace putting these words to paper, change is never easy. Power doesn’t ever want to relinquish control. So, hang onto your hats.

Katy Byrne, LMFT, is a Sonoma psychotherapist and author.