“You will lose if you choose to refuse to put her first. She will and she can find a man who knows her worth. A Real man just can’t deny a woman’s worth.”
These are words from “A woman’s worth” by Alicia Keys, written in 2002. Since then these words have been in my head. But, as a young woman in the 1970’s and 80’s they were not. It was not until I was in my 40’s that I truly believed in myself, in my worth. Not until then did I expect a man that I was in a relationship to be the man Alicia Keys wrote and sang about.
When I was young, I was one of those woman with a perfect figure, dyed blond hair, long painted fingernails and meticulously applied make up. Somehow I thought this would make men treat me well, like and respect me. For the most part it did not. I walked away from more relationships than I can count, disappointed each time because I was treated like less than, treated as I was of no value, no worth.
Though I stood up for myself in school, the work place and socially, and was often labeled a feminist, I still harbored a void when it came to truly believing in my self-worth. I don’t know exactly when the shift came or why, but somehow it did around the age of 40.
As we prepare for more women’s marches in January, I think of where women in the US are today. I think of why we are marching once again and the man that compels us to march, to be angry and to fight, Donald Trump. I think about his words, “You will be protected, and I will be your protector.” Speculation was that this was to woo suburban, white women, over 50, not to fret their little heads off about birth control and abortion and to vote for the “pussy grabber”. Maybe it worked, maybe their votes put him over the top. But, this 73 year old woman was not persuaded and never will be by someone who degrades women almost every time he opens his mouth, by someone who states clearly that women are so worthless that he can grab one of us anytime he wants.
The women who voted for Trump have opened the floodgates of male dominance and disrespect of women. They have enabled men to emulate Trump. These women putting the price of eggs over their own self-worth, have put the rest of us in a place of fear, because they think this misogynist protects them. What I and any woman who believes in herself really wants is for the laws of our land to protect us and to codify our equal rights as human beings. We still do not have an equal rights amendment, still face discrimination, sexual harassment and assault. We have a president who says he is our protector, who in reality is our assailant.
While we are ready to fight for the next four years, we must also reach out to young women, who will vote in future elections, long after we are gone. They need to believe in themselves and their self-worth and vote for a woman or a man who does too.
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