My brother Larry thought Mom was a good mother, but he had a different childhood than we did. My sisters were convinced otherwise: Carleen complained Mom was thoughtless and self-centered, Betty resented her for abandoning us, and Claudia simply thought she was weak—all of which was true, by the way. I was never under the illusion I had a bad mother, I was under the illusion I had the wrong mother, and although I was not under the illusion she loved me, I hoped she might someday. I was raised by omission, but neglect doesn’t leave a scar, it leaves a hole. Some say holes are harder to heal. Fortunately, I only lived with Mom from the time I was five until I was nine. I figure that’s why I’m not completely neurotic… or dead.
Writing our story was a five-year journey. A magnitude of personal growth work put it into perspective; a writing class helped me get it down on paper. It’s about doors opened, closed, and locked, and about a family so complicated you’ll need a scorecard.
My siblings loved my writing. But a change of heart on my sister’s part regarding the story she said I could include about her kidnapping and the aftermath caused a major rift. Not to be cast out, and to honor her wishes, I put the book away. For the next five years, I worked on our genealogy. It was safer. They were dead. My sister has since passed, along with enough time, so I returned to finishing “the book.”
What follows is what I’ve been told, what I recall, and what my family claims I’ve made up. Some stories I’ve never disclosed; some I’ve recounted so many times I can’t remember if they’re even true. But do we recollect what actually happened? Certainly, we remember our version – and what we believe is true for us, so we’d better be careful what we believe. And does any of it matter? Only when we make it mean something.
(I completed the memoir in 2017; it is unpublished except on my website and as a serial in the Sonoma Valley Sun. Section I, which was printed as a three-year series here a couple of years ago, covers from before I came along until the breakup of my family when I was four. Section II begins when I’m dropped off on my mother’s doorstep until five years later, when my oldest sister takes me in.)
Scorecard:
Carl Clemens (my father)
6th of 11 children of Mathew Clemens and Barbara Nigon.
Born: 1905, Minnesota.
Died: 1986 (age 80), California; prostate/bone cancer.
Occupation: Farmer, construction, iceman, store owner/manager.
Married (1): 1933, Noreen Chatfield, California.
Divorced: 1953, California.
Five children: Larry, Carleen, Betty/Liz, Claudia, Cathy.
Married (2): 1956, Irene Whitehed (1886–1959).
Married (3): 1961, Marie McCartney (1917–2011)
Noreen Chatfield (my mother)
10th of 10 children of Charles Chatfield and Nellie Chamberlin.
Born: 1915, California.
Died: 1968 (age 53), California.
Occupation: Family store, seamstress, cook/housekeeper.
Married (1): 1933, Carl Clemens, California.
Divorced: 1953.
Five children: Larry, Carleen, Betty/Liz, Claudia, Cathy.
Married (2): 1955, Ray Haynie, Nevada (1912–1964).
Divorced: 1956
1. Gordon “Larry” Clemens
Born: 1934, Chico, California.
Married: 1956, Marian McLellan, California.
Two children.
- Carleen Clemens
Born: 1935, Watsonville, California
Died: 2022 (age 87), Iowa; lung cancer, heart attack
Married: 1953, Chuck Albertson, California
Three children
- Elizabeth “Betty/Liz” Clemens
Born: 1939, Watsonville, California.
Died: 2004 (age 64), California; lung cancer.
Married: 1958, Tony Duchi, California.
Four children.
- Claudia Clemens
Born: 1942, Vallejo, California.
Died: 2011 (age 69), California; lung cancer.
Married: 1956, Bobby McDaniel, Nevada.
Divorced: 1973.
Five children.
- Catherine “Cathy” Clemens
Born: 1948, Sonora, California.
Married: 1967, Bob Sevenau, California.
Divorced: 1973.
Two children.
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