Data & Errata

By far the worst film I have ever seen was a science fiction flick set in the deep future called something to the effect of “Mayflower 2929.” Some zealots in Mylar suits decide to split their home planet to launch an off-world colony when it becomes evident that their belief system – a kind of mish-mash of astrology and maxims culled from greeting cards – is construed as dangerous by the Thought Police. On the way, their spaceship is hit by a meteor and is forced to make a crash landing on an uncharted planet known as Plym (at this point I realized to my horror that the film was a Thanksgiving allegory). There, they are greeted by what they refer to as the “those damnable aliens,” which is ironic since the space pilgrims are technically aliens themselves. For reasons known only to the production designer, the damnable aliens bore a striking resemblance to tree bark, but orange.
Predictably, the space pilgrims lost their provisions when the meteor struck and they resign to starving to death. Before this can occur, however, the orange tree bark people arrive with a jiggling biomass clearly molded from lime Jello and doll hair and offer it to the space pilgrims. They spoke in English accents. After the space pilgrims overcome their reservations about the Plym delicacy, they finally indulge in the hairy gelatin, regain their strength and proceed to eliminate all the orange bark people with their ray guns. As I recall, there was also some order of Romeo and Juliet subplot, but the lovers forgo a romantic double suicide and instead freeze themselves cryogenically with the maudlin hope that “some day, we can awake in a world that knows how to truly be thankful.” Talk about a turkey.