A recent excavation in Asia uncovered a small village near the birth place of Attila the Hun. Archeologists found a hand-written scroll from 445 A.D. tucked inside a sealed ceramic bottle. The scroll contains entries by a low-level government employee, much like a Twitter diary, covering a period of four weeks.
June 20th – “My boss is an idiot. He spends all day drinking and gambling and expects me to take up the slack. Given the job cuts, I have no choice but to comply, but I am looking for a good poison to slip into his cup.”
June 24th – “No need for poison after all! Turns out he was caught in the staff downsizing and now his head sits on a pike next to the village gate. The idiot actually looks happy. I’m supposedly in line for his job, but I’d rather keep my head a little longer.”
June 28th – “The army marched through town yesterday, off on another campaign. I hate it when Attila’s troops move out, even if it’s supposedly for our benefit. These foreign invasions cost a fortune; no wonder we need to pillage!”
July 1st – “Turns out providing rice for the army means rationing rice for the local citizens, and those of us in government have to enforce it. We do the dirty work, of course, so everybody hates us, including my mother-in-law. What else is new?”
July 3rd – “Huge rain last night flooded some homes. I went down with my shovel and did the best I could to help. The army sucks up all the resources so there’s no money for flood control! I had hopes for Attila, but looks like he’s in somebody’s pocket.”
July 5th – “Another ‘austerity’ decree was issued yesterday. On the plus side we’ll find out how to get blood from a stone since nobody I know has anything left to be austere about.”
July 8th – “Finally, a sunny day! Maybe the roads will dry out and we can remove some of this mud. Lucky me, I found a dead chicken on the side of the road, so it’s soup for dinner!”
July 10th – “Got a new boss, but he only lasted two days. He’s on a pike next to the idiot. He was caught stealing rice, and everyone associated with him was “laid off.” Glad all I do is stamp wax seals and deliver scrolls.”
July 13th – “Troops came marching back from Gaul yesterday with tales of weapons of mass destruction: flying balls of fire that shatter on impact. The sword and pike crowd is depressed, but somebody is raking in the gold!”
July 14th – “Turns out the flying balls of fire is our weapon! Attila says this will make us invincible and put an end to war once and for all. I’ve been told to open scrolls and list troublemakers spreading lies about Attila. Big surprise, more work but no pay increase!”
July 15th – “The guys at the government office want more benefits but have been told ‘we don’t bargain with government workers.’ Coworkers insisted I stop stamping scrolls…they call it a ‘work stoppage.”
July 18th – “This is my last entry. The local governor says we are to be terminated. I hear boots clomping downstairs. Hug my kinds and tell my wife I love her.”
Be First to Comment