Proud Mary, and William

We refer to the parents of Nina Gorbach and Ilene Sagall, the sisters who together with Howard Gorbach founded WillMar Center for Bereaved Children and named it in honor of their parents. Located here in Sonoma, WillMar provides a unique place where children can learn to cope with the loss of a loved one.
Many of us have experienced loss as adults, and we know it can be devastating, as adults, to lose a partner or a parent. How much tougher it must be for a child who experiences loss of a parent or sibling.
Our pioneer American heritage would say, “Buck up. Be strong. Deal with it on your own.” But often that means simply repressing grief. Dealing with it in a healthy way may mean acknowledging the grief and bringing it out in the open. With a place like WillMar, the children don’t have to do it on their own.
There, they can express their feelings through play and art, as well as by talking. As they wrestle with understanding what has happened, they are in a supportive environment, separate from their daily lives; they are in a place where they are not alone, isolated from their friends by the tragedy. They know their feelings will be supported.
Unfortunately, the troubling question “Why?” is one that nobody can answer. Why is there tragedy, why is there sadness, why is there suffering?
Religion, in our experience, offers no satisfying answer. If there is a reason out there for loss – some cosmic connection – it’s well beyond our comprehension. Accepting loss is a personal issue, achieved at different paces and in different ways. What is so wonderful about WillMar is that the volunteers help the children realize it’s okay to experience joy as well as grief. There is still joy in the world, joy that every one is entitled to experience.
At the Guardians Gala last weekend, a lovely dinner at Sonoma Lodge put on by WillMar to honor its Guardians of Light (donors who sponsor a child at $100 a month), we learned a simple poem that WillMar children say:
The sunshine and the rain,
The laughter and the pain,
Together they make rainbows.
That sentiment tugs at our hearts. Laughter and pain are a natural part of life, like sunshine and rain. And rainbows are magical to behold – who doesn’t admire them and feel something uplifting and inspiring? For the Greeks and the Norse of old, the rainbow was the path between heaven and earth. For the ancient Chinese, the rainbow was a tear in the fabric between heaven and earth. For the Jews and the Christians, the rainbow is the sign of God’s covenant with Noah after the Flood.
For WillMar children, the rainbow is assurance that there is still beauty in the world, still joy to behold, still love to give and to receive.
We offer thanks to WillMar and the volunteers for the wonderful work they do, and to Whitney Evans, honored at the event as the 2007 Guardian of the Year. We all feel better, knowing such good folks are among us.