Creating a blended family with a couple of feisty felines

Dear. Dr. Forsythe: My daughter is planning on getting married this September to a very nice man from Southern California. The problem is that the future bride and groom each have their own cat and neither of their cats can stand the other. They’ve tried introducing them to each other, and my future son-in-law had to take his cat, “Chelsea,” to an emergency vet after my daughter’s cat, “Elmo,” used him as a punching bag. The current cat issue is causing so much stress between them that they are spending more time on kitty issues and problems now than planning their dream wedding. Can you please tell us how two cats can possibly hate each other so much and break up a potentially wonderful pair?
Father of the (maybe) bride

Dear Father: Boy, this scenario adds whole new meaning to the saying “for better or worse” doesn’t it? Cats are very aware of their surrounding, their home “turf” and know very suddenly when it is being impinged upon by another. It sounds to me as if “Elmo” may not be quite ready to share your daughter with another man, much less his cat. This couple needs to try very gradual assimilation of the two pets, which is a very slow process of keeping them protected and in separate kennels but close enough to detect each other’s “scent” or pheromones for a few days.  After that, one of the cats, whoever’s “home turf” it is, should be allowed to snoop around the “new” pet’s crate for a couple of days. Tell your daughter and her beau not to be too put off by some hissing at this point, as this is the way the pet are communicating. This process should take many days, and very gradually the two pets should be reintroduced so that they can become gradually accustomed to each other if they are to become “roommates.” That means letting them out into separate, closed rooms so they can sniff under the door at each other, but not be left alone. Then after a few more days, the first “in feline” meeting happens, where people and both pusses are placed in the same room at the same time, with the owners ready to whisk away the offender should a fight break out.  Is this becoming clear?  Gradual acclimation of two superior, glorious creatures whose entire lives have been focused upon getting non- stop love from their respective owners is now being modified.  It’s a case of the feline Brady Bunch gone very bad, and it must be handled with caution, but shouldn’t be reason for a break up. Consultation with a behaviorist may also be helpful in putting together a detailed plan of action for the exact steps needed to make a successful transition. Good luck with this “challenge” and getting your daughter down the aisle safely, beautifully, and hopefully, with no bite marks.
Dr. F