While the holiday season brings another year to an end, it also brings the power to derail any previous dietary improvements. For many of us who are easily seduced by abundant holiday treats, we rationalize that January’s resolutions will come soon enough – for then we will make our health a priority. But for those of us who are determined not to let the holidays interrupt our healthy strides, it can be a time of special frustration.
The social pressures to partake of holiday goodies can be relentless. We run the risk of being ridiculed dare we decline the hallowed Christmas sugar cookie: “Oh, come on, get in the spirit!” What we choose to eat (and not eat) is more open to comment during the holiday season than at any other time of the year, as we get swept up in holiday office parties and dinner feasts.
Why do other people care if we’re trying to eat healthier, and why do they insist on offering their two cents about it? This interaction is a strange phenomenon that can be quite irritating to the person on the receiving end. However, understanding why others feel the need to question and correct our food choices is worth noting, as well as how to tactfully deflect their advances.
There are two groups of people likely to question our attempts to maintain good health. The first group includes people who want to rescue us from dietary deficiency. Ironically, these folks are often very unhealthy themselves and usually know very little about what foods are truly good for us. The second group includes the people closest to us, for whom our dietary choices may signal a departure from them and remind them of their own dietary shortcomings.
The first group may be comprised of people we know, friends of friends, or the occasional assertive stranger. Their well-intentioned information commonly stems from health messages they’ve heard in the media or read in fad diet books – both suspect sources. When they see us eating in ways that differ from what they’ve heard are healthy, and shun their own favorite foods, it makes them uncomfortable. By pressuring us to conform to their thinking, they somewhat alleviate their discomfort.
One way to respond to people from this group is to avoid discussing your current health philosophies and actions. Instead, you can simply say that you are experimenting with a healthier lifestyle and are still learning, but that it seems to be working well for you so far. Even though there may be a lot more to it for you, this allows the inquirer an easy retreat and doesn’t put you in the awkward position of having to defend your food choices.
As for the second group – mainly family and friends – their motivation is to keep us anchored in familiar ways that feel safe and do not place them in a position of having to reflect on their own dietary habits. Seeing you move forward toward better health can have this effect and can cause them discomfort and embarrassment.
“The Pleasure Trap,” an enlightening book that looks at why we behave the ways we do in regard to food, suggests that we remind those we care about that we still value them and that we don’t feel we are better than them. These interactions can be especially trying for us since we care for those closest to us, want to continue being a part of their group, and do not want to stir up conflict. But by staying true to our path while explaining that we are a work in progress (a tactic the book calls “integrity with humility”), discomfort for all involved may be eliminated.
Like many things in life, it’s not what you say, but how you say it that has the greatest effect. So if you are dedicated to upholding your dietary goals over the holidays, keep the above thoughts in mind when challenges arise and try to exercise kindness in your responses. If you are prone to well-intentioned comments to others about their food choices, try framing your inquiries in ways that are respectful and with an open mind. For all concerned, it is important to remember that each of us gains enlightenment and pursues change in our own time.
Cathy Fisher is a Certified Nutrition Educator with StraightUpFood.com and resides in Glen Ellen. The Sun welcomes feedback from our readers. Please address comments and questions to feedback@sonomasun.com.
