Exchange students add international flavor to Sonoma Valley homes

Looking for a home improvement project this fall? Jean McQuady has the blueprint for the perfect add-on, something with a little international flavor. An addition that will expand your viewpoint and grow your heart at the same time: A foreign exchange student.

McQuady has raised a family of her own in the Bay Area but, thanks to her work with the AFS Student Exchange program, “I have sons and daughters all over the world.” In 23 years of volunteer work the vivacious great-grandmother has hosted, coordinated homes for, counseled and nurtured dozens of teenagers. “I love these kids,” she said. “They’re part of my heart.”
And she’s got three more on the way: a girl from Hong Kong – into music, drawing and long-distance running; one boy from Denmark – outgoing, adventurous, loves basketball, and another boy from Brazil – extroverted, funny, and talkative. They all speak English, and will be juniors at Sonoma Valley High School. As the local hosting coordinator, it’s up to McQuady to find Sonoma Valley families to host one of them for the school year.
Married adults as well as single adults, with or without children can become host families; the main needs the students have are a bed, meals and guidance. The adult is expected to assume the role of a diligent parent. “There’s a detailed check list,” McQuady said, which is reinforcement by other AFS volunteers.

“There should be chores, limitations and curfew. The kids should be treated like a family member, not as a guest.” If there are other kids in the house, that’s when a sibling rivalry can develop. But a relationship of that depth has an upside, McQuady said. “They become real brother and sisters — complete with the fights.”
For all that, “Some kids push the boundaries but we pull them back in,” McQuady admitted – the host family gets a monthly $50 stipend. The real reward is priceless.
“It’s an opportunity to see another culture through a young person’s eyes,” said Jill Kamahele. “You really get a flavor for what the country is all about.”
Her family has hosted two AFS students, and bonded with many others through the informal network that connects participating families, students and volunteers. “It’s a growth experience for the host family,” Kamahele related. “Our own kids had such a good time. And I don’t think the students would change a minute of it.”
The Kamaheles, with one daughter in eighth grade and another in 12th grade, first hosted a girl from Costa Rica. The two high school girls “had their moments,” laughed Kamahele. She admitted, “It’s absolutely a positive – even when they’re being teenagers.”

With the two young women left the home, one to college and one back to Costa Rica, the house seemed empty. The young daughter lobbied for another exchange student … a boy this time, the family’s first. “I think she thought she’d get a glamorous older man in the house,” Kamahele said. Instead and inevitably, she got a teenage boy. “Kids are kids,” she said, “and he was the older brother. It was a wonderful year.” Three years later, he came back from Germany to escort her to the senior prom.
The experience made an adventurous traveler of the daughter, who went as an exchange student to Norway the next year, and spent two college terms abroad. “The best thing for a teenager is to experience another culture,” Jill Kamahele said. “There’s nothing better than to see how the rest of the world lives.”
The Kamaheles have stayed in close contact with their German protégé Peter Opdemon, now a high-level executive, married, with a child of his own. “He’s a brilliant young man,” she said with, what else, parental pride. “We’re very proud. I feel our family had a significant impact on him.”
Opdemom certainly thinks so. “Without a doubt, my exchange year in Sonoma was one of the best things that has happened to me in my life,” he wrote in an e-mail. “I made friends for life in my year in California.” The experience also inspired him, once grown, to host an exchange student. “Nothing is more enriching than opening up your doors for a new family member, to share your life and culture with a person who comes from another part of the world. I am incredibly grateful to Sonoma, AFS and my host family, the Kamaheles, for having had the chance to stay with them.”
Like watching any child grow, the time goes by quickly. The shy make friends. Distinctive looks and accents blend in. Teenagers mature. And suddenly it’s time to return not to ‘home,’ but the homeland. “When they leave, it’s a jolt to realize how attached you’ve become,” Kamahele admitted.
She maintains a strong connection through visits and emails, including the girl from Costa Rica – she honeymooned in Sonoma; friends of the German student; and a woman from Hong Kong now living in San Francisco. “We still have them all,” Kamahele said. “And they’re very close to my children, too. It astounds me just how far-reaching it is.”
McQuady understands. She’s visited seven of her ‘kids’ in Europe, and cherishes a hand-drawn picture by her most recent live-in student. It is inscribed “mommy.” “He never called me that when he lived here,” she said.
A softy at heart, McQuady returned to colder facts. The exchange experience is not a California vacation. The students are here to learn and perhaps teach something about their own country and culture. They are responsible for good grades and good behavior. Monthly meetings with AFS counselors make sure the kids are on the right track, while other, private meetings, with an AFS “aunt and uncle” family, allow the kids to confidentially share problems and vent any frustrations they may have.
McQuady said that for the most part the incoming kids are bright and curious, and assimilate quickly. “The biggest hurdle can be making friends,” she said. “We encourage kids to get involved in drama, clubs and sports. It’s a great way to meet people.”
The 2009-2010 school year starts in less than a month. McQuady admitted that this year, with many households losing a wage earner, finding host families will be a challenge. Still, she’s confident – make that positive, the three incoming students will find homes. It might take an introduction or two, but once prospective hosts “get connected, they don’t want to let go.”
To find out more about hosting an ASF Exchange Student, visit sfbayafs.org or contact Jean McQuady at 707.292.1128 or [email protected]