Has family life gone to the dogs?

Dear Dr. Forsythe:  What would you say to somebody who is so obsessed with her dogs that she doesn’t have anything left to give to the people in her life?  I just got back from a visit with my aunt Agnes in Atlanta, and I barely had any quality time with her during the entire week I was there.  The trouble is, she lives and breathes her Pugs, but doesn’t seem to have the time or energy for anyone or anything else in her life.  So I spent the entire week with my cousin, and she spent every waking hour with her dogs.  Don’t get me wrong, I think having pets is great, but she seems to be completely overboard and lost all common sense.  For example, she cooks every meal for her six Pugs, but then she said she was too tired to prepare any meals for the family, so we had to order out!  Wouldn’t you agree that this seems a little crazy?

Sign me: niece of a Southern “Dumb” Belle.

Dear Niece: What would I say to her?  If I were her veterinarian, I would probably have a good, tight relationship with her as a medical provider for her brood. I’d be giving her frequent medical advice and enjoying her flat faced posse. However, if I knew her in a private context-like you do,-and saw her prioritizing her dogs to the detriment of all her “human” loved-ones, I would point out how sad it is when people use pets as an escape from their normal life.

It seems as though your aunt is using her Pugs as a complete diversion from her other commitments and has disconnected from her family.  From what you have shared, this sounds like a situation where communication has waned and family intimacy has eroded and been replaced with a more fulfilling hobby  — the dogs.

While I understand that the Chinese Pug is one of the most endearing, precious animals a person could ever fall in love with, I validate your concerns that your aunt’s life seems out of balance and is noticeably straining her loved ones.

Now that you have returned from the visit, perhaps a well-written note to your aunt sharing your observations and expressing your loving concerns would help open her eyes to the direction she has been heading.  You may become that special niece who will be credited with having prevented your Aunt Agnes from completely letting her family life go to the dogs.

Dr. F