Saying goodbye to a beloved old friend
Dear Dr. Forsythe: Our 19 year old kitty is clearly approaching the end of his life and we are so sad as we have had the privilege of sharing our lives and home with him. We love him so much. He has recently survived a respiratory infection, and has been unable to fully recover his health and vitality. The last words from our vet were that he found a mass in kitty’s abdomen and “we are talking short term here.” But we need your help and wisdom to know when it is time to say our final goodbyes and when to make the decision. If he passes away in his sleep it would be a mercy for us all. What signals and signs should we be looking for from our kitty? We’ve been told that he will let us know when it is time, but that is so vague. It is said that cats hide their pain… how do we know if he is suffering? Please help us.
— Bonnie
Dear Bonnie: Thank you so much for your question. It’s always a splash of cold water in the face to come to the reality that a long and robust relationship like you and your cat have enjoyed is reaching its end.
I agree that it is a little vague to simply wait for your cat to “let you know when it is time” to say goodbye. However, since cats are so incredibly individual and persnickety (yes, I said it), their behavior can manifest in many different ways. When I talk to cat clients about end of life issues, we usually make a list of five “signature” behaviors that are typical of their cat in his happiest of days, such as sitting in a sunny spot, or rubbing up against your legs. If you notice changes or deviations in any “normal” behaviors, it may be time to say goodbye.
Often times, cats will go off and hide, or seek heat, when they aren’t feeling well. If a cat loses weight and stops eating or drinking, or begins having problems with elimination, these can be signs of deterioration. Not all cats will vocalize when they are in pain, but some cats will become listless and avoid jumping up to a favorite spot they once enjoyed. Since they can’t really tell you they hurt, they often simply respond differently.
It has been my experience that most pets do not simply pass away in their sleep as we wish they would, slipping away into God’s hands. Instead, as a tumor grows, a pet becomes more unstable and often a chronically growing mass can begin to bleed or interfere with another bodily function. Usually at this point, you will see a significant decline in energy and function that will cause you to seek veterinary assistance.
In my opinion, once you make a thorough assessment of your wonderful old kitty’s quality of life by actually writing down a list of how many of his favorite things he still enjoys, you can more clearly come to terms with an honest decision about whether he is living a life worth living or suffering in silence. You can revisit the list and reassess the situation frequently, for life, and your cat, are not static, but very dynamic and always changing.
Good luck in this sensitive time. Your dear old kitty is lucky to have you. I hope his transition is smooth and with as little pain as possible. My best thoughts and prayers are with you.
Sincerely,
Dr. Vallard C. Forsythe
