(By Dr. Vallard Forsythe) With the closing of 2014 and the new beginnings of 2015 come the hopes and dreams of good health and prosperity in the New Year. I chatted with several friends and colleagues about our clients and our pets, and after many in depth conversations, compiled a list of the most popular pet related New Year’s Resolutions.
For dog owners:
10: I promise to take my dog on more walks, hopefully at least one or two a day.
9. I will make an effort to keep him cleaner, get him bathed more frequently, after all, he gets a little ripe in between baths.
8. I won’t leave him for such a long time on weekends, even if I have tickets to the Giants.
7. I won’t let my husband (wife) give any scraps, that diarrhea she got from the Thai basil curry is still in the carpet.
6. I will go get that flea medicine from the vet that cost almost as much as my car payment.
5. I will take him to the vet and get those soft lumps on his belly checked out–and removed if need be.
4. I will get his shots updated when the next postcard comes from the doctors office.
3. I will change his water bowl to fresh water EVERY day so he has good clean water to drink.
2. I will STOP blaming him when the room suddenly gets smelly if it was my fault and not really HIS.
1. I WILL TAKE HIM TO THE VET AND GET HIS ANAL GLANDS EXPRESSED WHEN HE STARTS SCOOTING ON HIS BUTT ACROSS THE CARPET!!
For cats:
10. I will sleep more, as much as is physically possible.
9. I will appear apathetic to all those around me, even in panic situations.
8. Even when people are in complete adulation at my beauty and magnificence, I will feign disinterest and squint just enough to show I couldn’t care less, then glance off into the distance, letting the light catch my eyes to show off their brilliant gleam.
7. I will remain persnickety and finicky with food in order to keep my owner stressfully busy trying to find items which will please my delicate feline palate.
6. Even if some type of cuisine pleases me greatly, I will take great pains to eat it slowly and deliberately, never letting on that it is pleasing me too much, not wanting to ever lose even the slightest bit of my leverage to the mortal.
5. I will enjoy the sun as it is perhaps the only entity close to as powerful as I.
4. Whenever possible, and as often as I can, I will show up on my human’s doorstep with some critter in my mouth with the head eaten off of it.
3. When the dog walks into the house, I will make sure to look at him as if he was a completely unnecessary and useless mistake of an animal.
2. I will demand attention, and always get it when I want it, when the mood hits me.
1. I will let my humans pet me whenever I want, and make sure they scratch my butt a lot because that feels really good. And when they do that I will stick my butt in their face too.
Since dogs live for their human, it seemed reasonable for the resolutions about dogs to come FROM their humans. But since cat owners revolve around their cats completely, the resolutions about cats came directly from them. I hope you have a healthy, happy, pet-filled 2015.
Love, Dr. F.
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Sincerely,
Dr. Vallard C. Forsythe
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