Maybe. Maybe not.

Time alarm clock went off – 6:03 am (average); number of times hit snooze – 0 (miraculous); actual time out of bed – 6:06 (excellent); time spent looking for socks – 4.5 minutes; color of socks – purple and pink stripes (all I can say is that they’re very comfortable).
Because of what happened two weeks ago – the death, the tremendous grief, the shock – I am thinking about life, about what it means and why we’re here. Perhaps each person has a mission, like a little piece in a puzzle, and we all make up something – a picture – dirty or old, or black and white. Maybe. Maybe not. Perhaps life doesn’t have meaning and we’re all here now and that’s that. Maybe. Maybe not.
I’m in class and I hear people tapping away on their computers, their fingers deft on the keys, smacking out words that no one else can create. Words that are theirs and theirs alone. That’s why I like words; because no one can crawl inside my mind and snatch them away from me. I hear someone’s music—too loud. Perhaps they’re trying to be cool. Something inside them is hoping that someone else will watch, notice. Perhaps they want someone to tell them they’re beautiful. It’s funny, so many trying to be this thing—beautiful—and no one really knows what it is or why some have it and others don’t. There is something a little bit sad about the way some people try so hard for approval. I wish they could just get over it and laugh and laugh and laugh until they cry or until their stomach explodes with happiness. I want to sit them down and ask, “who are you?” Maybe they’ll know, maybe they won’t.
At times it seems that this school is significantly shallow. There is nothing deep, nothing that holds us all together. After graduation we’ll all drift away and reminisce about each other, just players in a story. Forgotten names, forgotten faces. Sometimes it seems that the majority of people only care about themselves, about getting ahead. Maybe my view is completely wrong and I’ve seen only bits and pieces of our school. I hope. But maybe it is right, maybe everyone feels this way and they just haven’t said anything. I hope we can change this. I hope we can learn more about each other, branch out, say “hi” to someone unknown. I hope we can get to know each other before it’s too late, before we’ve grown up and moved away and high school seems like it was a lifetime ago.