I’ve decided to distill my previous two bartending columns down to one simple phrase that is both easy to digest and not offensive in any way shape or form. Here’s my message thus far: be kind to service industry professionals. That’s it. Easy breezy. No sarcasm, tough love or bitter bartender doublespeak to confuse anyone.
Your restaurant server, bartender, and fast food cashier are human beings, too. They have hopes and dreams, kids, relationship problems and overweight pets to worry about just like you. They’re criminally underpaid yet show up to work just like you. The only thing you have to remember is that they are at work, while you are not. Treat them like your friends and they will treat you with the attention and respect you deserve.
My father taught me a lesson he learned in his Army years (mid-‘60s) that resonates today. Be kind to clerks and cooks. In the Army, these two types of people had the greatest ability to make your life miserable. Being nice to them gave you the best leverage against random acts of evil that they could incur. I later learned that both of these lessons are merely deviations on the Golden Rule. The Golden Rule, for those of you unfamiliar with the notion of ethical reciprocity, is “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Though the concept is not new (it was a basic tenet in Greek philosophy, Christianity and Buddhism), it is sometimes forgotten when applied to service industry professionals. Simply put, just because you are paying them to bring you food and beverages does not give you the right to be mean to them. Your money grants you the right to be served. How well you are served depends on how courteous you are to your server. Think server not servant.
“How to buy a guy a drink”
I recently received an interesting question from a lady asking the correct protocol for buying a cute guy a drink at a bar. I love how modern this question is. Bartenders love seeing ladies buy men drinks.
The answer is the same that I would give a guy wanting to buy a drink for a lady he doesn’t know. Buying someone a drink is not an invitation for a date. It is merely a kind and welcome gesture that allows you to break the conversational ice. You should expect a thank you, because that is the expected result of a gift bestowed in earnest. The thank you is the ice breaker and from this point on you’re on your own. Be yourself. Or better yet, be someone cooler.
A great way to buy drinks for other people is to send them drink chips. Most local bars, Steiner’s, the Town Square, and The Blue Moon included, have drink chips, which are little, plastic poker-looking tokens that represent a prepaid drink. You could have the bartender send one over to your future ex for use whenever they feel like it. Buying a drink this way allows the recipient to choose his or her next drink and frees up the bartender to make small talk on your behalf. Send one chip at a time and send their friends a drink chip, too. Take care of his wing man and he’ll be less likely to block you later. If there are no chips available, be sure to send over the correct drink. Do not send a Cosmopolitan over to a guy hanging out with his friends drinking Coors Light and vice versa, guys. A lady drinking Lemon Drops will not look kindly on a round of whiskey shots for her and her friends unless you know that they enjoy Jameson.
Keep the questions coming to bartender@thmm.com. I’ll answer more in future columns.
