It often seems that there are hardly any ridiculous notions that the French can’t embrace; all it takes is a small lurch over the side of reality into the ocean of absurdity that always sloshes below us, and many of them are happily swimming around in silliness, whether it’s imagining that Jerry Lewis is hilariously funny, or taking existentialism seriously (even after Jean-Paul Sartre defined it as being freedom of choice without any real definition of “choice”). They drink port before dinner, don’t think Italians can cook, and believe they invented French fries and French toast (non and non).
Now, having gone so far as to elect a teetotal president who combines a love for collecting stamps and a sexy wife (who once dated Mick Jagger and is fitfully pursuing a career as a pop singer), they are pushing the envelope of goofiness even further, by floating one of the most idiotic ideas ever conceived: reviving Prohibition. I hate to be a spoilsport, but before it’s too late, I do feel compelled to let them know that it’s been tried, and, uh, it didn’t work. In other words, what’s French for “doh”?
It’s hard to believe that a government official of what’s been the leading wine-producing country in the world for, oh, something like 800 years or so, would actually say, “The consumption of alcohol, and especially wine, is discouraged,” but one recently did, and the health minister agreed. After all, believe it or not, it’s the law, ironically named “the Evin law,” not translated as “ah, wine,” as you might expect, but named for the fellow who thought it up and tacked it on to a tough anti-smoking bill, which gave it an easy legislative ride. That was back in 1991. Ads for alcoholic beverages were prohibited on TV or in cinemas; nobody thought of the infant Internet, so it wasn’t mentioned – until a few years ago, when the government decided that, since it wasn’t listed, it wasn’t legal, and started banning beer and wine Web sites, basically winning the strange-bedfellows championship by imitating Iran and Afghanistan.
At the same time, the National Association for the Prevention of Alcoholism started filing lawsuits against newspapers and magazines that carried wine articles with a positive viewpoint – the first case got them about $7,500 in damages (having filed the charges, they were considered the injured party), and they went back to court for more, repeatedly. The only defense was to tone down the enthusiasm of the articles and tack on a warning notice at the end of each, similar to the warnings on cigarette packs. Wineries couldn’t say wine was delicious, improves the taste of food or, especially, that it improved the quality of life (an ad for a pink wine that just said “la vie en rose,” with a pretty picture, was banned – life was a bit too rosy for the killjoys). Ads had to be “objective.”
Now the ayatollahs of alcohol were on a roll. A proposal was advanced to ban “free alcoholic drinks with the intention of promotion,” and when winemakers realized that could be the end of tasting rooms, wine festivals, and good times in general, they took to the streets; in Bordeaux, Burgundy, Alsace, and most other wine areas, they made a lot of noise. In the end, though, the Internet was louder, as the rest of the world (except of course Iran and Afghanistan) joined in.
Politicians can handle a lot, but not as much ridicule as they got from everywhere. Last month, they toughened a few regulations, declared that tastings would “of course” be allowed in chateaux and wine fairs and festivals, and that Internet advertising would be allowed. It was hardly a victory for common sense: many restrictions still apply, those warning labels aren’t going away, and there are 40 amendments to the legislation still pending.
H.L. Mencken once defined Puritans as people with a “terrible, pervasive fear that someone, somewhere, is having fun.” Who would have thought that those people would be French?
Brian St. Pierre writes about wine from the relatively safe haven of London.
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