Is therapy effective?

It’s charming to be witty, but being humorous about being a psychotherapist is almost impossible. Humans are funny people, but the human condition is more serious than sexy or fun.

There are so many theories in psychology. Everyone from Freud to Jung, Rogers to Whitaker, hypnosis to cognitive, behavioral, psychodynamic thinking and much more. See what I mean? It’s a vast territory.

Psychology is complex and a huge ongoing field. Remember when you could have a nervous breakdown? That’s out now. Back then overly emotional people were called “histrionic” and now we have bi-polar labels, ADHD and more.

Through it all, remember that life is fun when you become authentic and accept yourself. Minimizing the inner critic brings vitality and there is such joy when we are open with another safe human being. As Robert Provine says: “Solitary chimps, like solitary people, seldom laugh, a result consistent with laughter’s role as a social signal. But chimps and humans differ in the social situations in which they laugh – we humans have added something new to our still present chimp-like tendencies. Adult humans laugh most during conversation.”

But, what makes psychotherapy effective? I’ve studied eastern religion, positive thinking, depth work, systems theory, short term, etc. I’ve recovered from an eating disorder myself, studied couples therapy for years, gone through layers of fears personally – and sometimes I’ve counseled myself.

I’ve been on the couch and on the other side of it. But, even with all the brilliant theories about transformation – changing yourself is a unique journey. Individuation is different for everybody. That’s why I am “client-centered” –respecting each person’s own compass. I “check in” with clients to see if we agree about how to heal their problems and move forward. Together, we create a “treatment plan.”

There are too many variables to success: sometimes its chemistry, skills, tools or the divine. I love a “strengths based approach.” Identifying the client’s talents is very empowering for them. And it’s humbling to witness human beings grapple with their hearts. It’s an honor to do the work. I’ve listened to many emotional hairballs in 35 years.

As for wit, a friend loaned me a funny book: “The 99th Monkey,” by Sobel. He describes many therapies, gurus and groups we joined in the 60s. Everything from Werner Erhard to Ram Dass, Big Sur, drugs, medications, and primal therapy, Piaget, Prozac, Stewart Emery, Masterson, and Hendrix, to Bubba whoever.

He writes about how we were all learning to use “I statements” and not blame; we were taught to not project our criticisms on others. We learned to shift our speaking: instead of saying “You seem insecure,” we would to say, “In your presence I become aware of my own insecurity.” However:  “this technique would invariably devolve to the point where it became simply a… therapeutically correct way of telling someone what you really thought of them, or something like ‘in your presence I experience the arrogant, self-centered, and tiresome pompous jerk within me.’” Learning to communicate is a huge endeavor.

Psychotherapists can be behaviorists, Jungians or use the enneagram (folks who know your number.) Seligman says not to “ruminate” on problems; others say “meditate.” Freud insisted we repeat patterns until we face them. Alice Miller spoke of experiencing our wounds. There’s object relations theory, attachment, hypnosis, developmental theory, 12 steps and the kitchen sink.

In short, “Wondering expands the cortex and builds new neural connections,” says Levoy. “It may be confined to a nutshell, but the brain offers lots of room for expansion. It’s just sitting there on a large vacant lot awaiting the developers.” And it’s zoned for growth.

I have witnessed much positive change in 35 years. It would be cheaper if we just learned to listen to one another, but then I’d be out of work.

For more information on therapy, read more from BetterHelp.

Katy Byrne, Psychotherapist and writer.