Everywhere I go I see scrunched faces or raised eyebrows popping up. Politics is on our minds, whether we turn away from it or not. People often say something like, “I’ve quit watching the news. It’s too stressful.” If I step a little deeper into the inquiry, I have to ask, “Seriously, you’re not worried about what could happen to social security or your daughter’s ability to have an abortion?” Understandably, I hear, “I’m losing too much sleep over it, I had to tune out.”
The problem is that denial can be dangerous. I hear people say, “History repeats itself. I’m not getting involved.” I get it. Nobody wants to march against guards and guns. The onslaught of horrifying news is hard on my nervous system too. But, if we turn our heads, aren’t we being complicit in allowing leaders who don’t serve us? If we ignore what’s happening, then reality will most certainly repeat itself.
I know folks are worn out. But we’re also starting to get engaged, marching and calling Congress. Caring about our country is worth sweating over. Engaging in the march on the Sonoma Square was helpful to my spirit. One of the things about it I loved was the array of interesting signs people were holding up. I hope someone makes a huge piece of art with all the inventive messages. Gathering lifts the sense of isolation that comes with constant trauma, it repairs us.
Whether it’s your 401(k), job loss, or healthcare coverage, the price of gas or just having gas from too many potato chips because you’ve run out of Netflix to watch, it’s just too wild out there, with chainsaws on stage and suggestions that we rake the forest when faced with dead brush, fires and trees. It’s an itty bitty bit upsetting.
So, today, after eating an extra cupcake and a big tuna fish sandwich on white bread, I realized I wasn’t hungry, I was afraid. For me, America has been my solace. My country has always been a place to live, to commune, to bite off a little happiness and sleep in peace at night. Or, it used to be….
It’s scary, but pretending we don’t see scares me. Hiding – the ostrich thing – can result in terrible tragedy. Isn’t it denial that invites crisis? Nicholas Kristof writes, “I find it odious when the world’s richest man cackles about America shoving programs for needy children “’into the wood chipper.’” And about Sudan, Kristof adds, “When you meet those dying children and hold their hands and feel faint heartbeats flutter, you see children just like your own and hang your head in shame.”
Of course we need to put the “oxygen mask” on ourselves, do self-care. Balancing our wellbeing with concern for freedom and liberty both matter. But, beware of denial. Hiding from reality can be like staying drunk until you hit bottom or not flossing your teeth until you’re waiting for the dentist’s drill, leaving you with a bill that eats your savings.
I know bravery is no small thing. I grapple with it too. Still, I see people more upset about their football team losing a game than hearing about the starving children in our world. Where will we end up if we don’t stand up?
Katy Byrne, LMFT, is a Sonoma psychotherapist and author of, “From Conflict to Conversation, Lessons from My Life and Therapy Office.”
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