All You Mothers
“You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.”
–Mary Oliver, “Wild Geese”
Women rock! We’ve blasted through centuries of history. At this Mother’s Day season, let’s all honor females. We’ve stayed strong, overcoming many obstacles, inspired by other women. Just a few that come to mind are Gloria Steinem, Ruth Bader Ginsberg and Susan B. Anthony, who was jailed in 1872 trying to register to vote! These days, even Wonder Woman and Queen Latifah are kicking ass.
Being female is challenging in ways that are hard to really comprehend. We watch our backs in parking garages, we’ve witnessed the Epstein files and multitudes of abusive acts and attitudes toward us. It’s not news to us, the objectification of our bodies or personal mistreatment. We’ve been trained not to take up too much space. But, we keep fighting for freedom and our voices.
We’ve been told to mold our bodies like Marilyn Monroe, Barbie or Renaissance figures. We’ve seen super models strut the Vogue plank, seeming sullen and growling. Who can blame them? They’re starving!
Many brave women, like Shannon Watts, author of “Fight Like a Mother,” have stood up for human rights. She was a stay-at-home mom when news of the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School flashed across the television. Fed up, she began a movement to demand action for gun sense in America and gun violence prevention.
Females have been dismissed long enough, seen the roll of the eyes too many times. Times up. Whatever way the world tries to toss and turn us, we’re not going away anytime soon. After all, we give you all life.
Being alive as a woman has confronted me with countless personal trials. One of those was with a scholarly college professor who taught film classes. He seemed dignified, speaking often and fondly about his wife. Unexpectedly, one day he threw all the papers on the desk between us to the ceiling and pounded his body against mine like a jack hammer. He blasted ear-shattering words in my ear, “to hell with all this, it’s time you and I f*ck… (you know the word.) Everything after that is a blur. I somehow got out of there. I regret not calling him out. I suppose I was too habituated then to quieting my voice.
At this Mother’s Day season, let’s honor women around us. Yes, we are complex, but we have had many rivers to cross. My own beautiful mother was brilliant but angry a lot. I blamed her for being the “b” word, (a term we too often use in society to demean women). In adulthood, I defied her, “I can’t handle your rage anymore! Tell me why.” She cried for one of the only two times I ever saw a tear stream down her face. Suddenly, she looked five years old, small and scared. She poured out her-story: growing up, her father would viciously spray awful words in her face, spitting, “You are so ugly.” She seemed to shrivel in telling it. A split second later, flicking off tears, she raised her fist to the ceiling, roaring, “I was thrilled the day my father was killed – shot dead in a bar room brawl.”
Women inherit generations of wounding and then we keep evolving. Mom learned self-protection and anger early. As Brene Brown, author of “Strong Ground” writes, “We are both courageous and vulnerable.” So, at this season of flowers, cakes and cards, let’s hold compassion for females and honor our mothers. Their challenges become our own.
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