When it’s time to say goodbye

Dear Dr. Forsythe: My husband and I have an important question about our elderly dog, Tyler. He is a 16-year-old Terrier who has recently gone blind. Until his blindness, his quality of life was pretty good, but as he lost his sight he also began having accidents in the house and becoming more aggressive. We have had him looked at by our vet in the city and he gets regular checkups, but we have come to realize that it may be time to consider letting him go. Our last dog was very sick and we stretched things out far too long, and I am concerned that it may be happening again. Right now I am up at night with him frequently and worry constantly because I feel he is in pain and is disoriented most of the time. Do you have any advice about things I can do to make him more comfortable during this difficult time? – E.V. San Francisco (weekend visitor who enjoys your column)

Dear E.V.: I appreciate your question very much. Listening to your description of Tyler’s poor quality of life and his difficulty getting around and the aggressive behavior he is showing, you may need to begin thinking about putting him to sleep. While this may seem harsh and cold, letting a beloved family pet go via a calm and painless euthanasia is actually a final act of grace and thanks to a pet who is suffering. It sounds like Tyler may be really struggling just to make it through every day with a sense of bewilderment and frustration. Add to this pain, possible aches and pains compounded to any dismay or confusion from dementia or depression and you have a pet who has served out his time and enjoyed the best that life has had to offer. It seems that in a situation like this, we as owners can either make an effort to diagnose and treat aggressively; i.e. consider treating for possible cataracts via surgery if this is the cause for blindness, and put him on a good medication for his arthritis and an excellent pain control medication such as Tramadol. These are some of the ways we can make a pet feel more comfortable and in a “holding pattern” from the onslaught of old age.

Or, the other path is the one I mentioned before: a humane and planned euthanasia. This is best done in a pre-planned setting. If you choose this route, plan ahead, ask your doctors about how this procedure can be carried out, and make sure you are mentally ready to go ahead with this event. While it is a dreadful thing to have to make a decision about, it is often the most important and merciful gift a human can give to their aging and precious companion. And while performing a euthanasia is never an enjoyable task for the veterinarian, it is nevertheless one of the most important and respected medical and ethical tasks we are able to perform for our clients and dear patients. How better can a veterinarian show his or her love than to send a wonderful pet off to the hereafter with a gentle goodbye and a kiss on the cheek in a quiet setting with their loved-ones at hand? Without sugar-coating the subject, it is a responsibility I do not take lightly, but I still hold in precious regard. Best of luck with this hard decision you have to make. – Dr. F.

Dear Dr. Forsythe: Our cat passed away several weeks ago after she went missing for two nights and came back very sick. A day later she got very quiet and the next morning she was dead when we got up. My husband took her to the veterinarian and got her cremated, but when we went to pick her ashes up, the told us we had to pay a lot extra to get the ashes back as they had already disposed of her ashes in a big group. I was so mad I didn’t know what to do. What’s more, they told us there was no way then to get her ashes back. I wanted to know if it was true that, after they cremated Missy, there was no way to get her ashes back or if they just wanted more money than they told us at first. – Mad in Sonoma

Dear Mad: I know it is very difficult to lose a pet and then have to make these decisions about private cremation versus group cremation, but once a pet is cremated in a group situation, it is impossible to retrieve the ashes into an individual urn and make sure they are your specific pet. The likely problem was that your veterinarian thought that you were requesting a “group cremation” and you expected to get your pet cremated “privately.” These involve very separate types of situations that are handled differently. They are also priced very differently: it would have been much more expensive to have Missy receive a private certified, sanitary cremation with her ashes returned than a group cremation where multiple pets are cremated together and their ashes are collectively scattered over an area together. It sounds like there may have been a misunderstanding at the time that her body was dropped off as to what type of cremation you were expecting and paying for. I can assure you that veterinarians generally do their best to make sure you are getting the post mortem care you want and can afford. This was most likely an error in communication that is best handled through an honest communication with your veterinary office. – Dr. F