The marriage-go-round
As a compassionate community, we should make an effort to reassure those among us who believe the recent Supreme Court decision recognizing same-sex marriage will cast the nation into hellfire and damnation, and “destroy marriage as we know it.” “What’s next?” they demand tearfully, “Marrying animals? Polygamy?”
We could begin by gently noting that the shelf life of traditional marriage is not all that long. Without the Supreme Court lifting a finger, marriage has had a spoilage rate of 40-50 percent for decades. With non-marital sex routine, the popularity of marriage in any form rests almost wholly on the anticipation of fantastic dress-up bridal/bachelor parties and wedding receptions with live music, without which Life after the Senior Prom is, for many, a grim slog to the grave.
Still, it’s been weeks since the Court’s decision and nothing unusual has happened. There have been no CCN reports of Nebraskans marrying sheep, and the screams and rending of garments we hear in conservative circles has been going on since Galileo upended the theology of planetary rotation.
As to polygamy: Some consider it sinful, and bigamy laws still exist. Yet biblical figures with binders full of wives did not go to Hell at any greater rate than today’s husbands, though many (and their wives) may have felt they were already there. The stress and challenges of polygamy may explain why Abraham, Solomon David, etc., were the Action Heroes of their day.
Moreover, scientists say it is unlikely that today’s husband – over the objections of an armed and heavily-lawyered wife – will marry another woman and bring her home to live with them. But even if Wife was OK with that, and brought home a younger husband to stiffen the marriage, it is unclear how that would destroy anyone else’s traditional marriage.
Frankly, if all the polygamating spouses were law-abiding, ‘Shopped Local’ and kept the noise down, they’d be far more welcome in our neighborhoods than tasting rooms, leaf-blowers and vacation renters.
Overlooked is the prospect that polygamy could provide County households a critical economic boost: more working adults in the home to shoulder parenting chores and pay Sonoma County’s exorbitant, eye-gouging rents. Indeed, polygamy could house more people than anything our politicians accomplish with their mewling excuses as to why our towns and cities shouldn’t have rent control and a $15/hr. living wage, and jobs that don’t involve picking grapes or swabbing tourists’ toilets.
Still, the sexual implications of polygamy offend religious sensibilities, and we must respect that. Specifically, avoid pointing out that nothing now stops several ‘traditionally married’ couples from deciding to buy or rent a house and all live together under one roof, without any cross-marrying or complicated pre-nups. They wouldn’t need no stinkin’ court decision.
Yes, extramarital tomfoolery might go on, but it wouldn’t be any different than what can happen to any traditional marriage. Moreover, with comings-and-goings confined under one roof, it would save on gas.
Finally, assuming polygamy/multi-marriage disintegrates at the traditional rate, it would continue to provide countless legal and accounting jobs, filing divorce papers and deciding who gets the dog & who has to take the kids. With shared homesteads constantly being repainted and remodeled to suit the tastes of new arrivals, the overall economy could get goosed even further.
In short, if the Court has sent us down the jiggery-pokery slope to polygamy, the Joy and Devastation will likely seem no different than traditional marriage, and require far fewer units of affordable housing. Straight or gay, that’s progress, Praise Jesus.
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Delightful, Bob. Remaining off the plate is why a religious ceremony should be required to enable civil rights and financial relationships to the state (local, state AND national). AFAIK, nothing in the recent decisions requires any religious organization to actually perform a marriage ceremony for anyone, anyone at all, regardless of anything whatsoever.
And it always amazes me how some people can wail and rail ad nauseam about government intrusion into private lives while condoning and actively supporting severe laws on what consenting adults do in their bedroom without having their heads explode from the hypocrisy.