West Nile Virus reported as mosquitoes refuse to wear masks
Posted on July 20, 2021 by Sonoma Valley Sun
Turf war erupts as West Nile mosquitoes battle East Nile gang
Mosquitos repping the West Nile virus are under siege by an upstart gang from the East Nile, according to Marin/Sonoma Mosquito Abatement officials. The turf war began when a brood of East Nile larvae hatched from a wet coffee can in a field near Petaluma.
Using old tires and discarded kiddie pools, the aggressive new strain quickly multiplied and spread throughout the region, encroaching on the turf long dominated by the West Nile crew.
“Those East Nilers are bad ass,” a MSMA spokesperson said. “They’ll suck the blood right out of your skin.”
In other mosquito-specific fake news:
Mosquitoes carrying the West Nile virus are under fire for not wearing masks. “It’s irresponsible,” said a Marin/Sonoma Mosquito Abatement official. “They are putting everybody at risk.”
But anti-maskers say mandating proboscis coverings is an infringement of basic insect rights. “We’re all about freedom,” said a spokesperson for Insects To Contact Humans (ITCH). “Plus it’s really hard to get that teeny little mask on.”
In other fake news:
We never liked Jerry Lewis, France admits
The idea that France admired the comedic acting of Jerry Lewis was always a complete sham, it has been revealed. The p.r. campaign convinced American critics and audiences that Lewis was a genius. The campaign included giving Lewis the presidential award of merit, which was a made-up honor. “Even the medal itself was fake,” France said. “It was plastic.”
Sonoma man finds parking spot in front of Peet’s
“I thought this day would never come,” said a shocked patron of Peet’s Coffee in Sonoma after finding a parking spot directly in front of the Broadway storefront. He last saw an open spot “sometime in late 2017,” but was cut off by an erratic Prius driver “jacked up on pumpkin spice.” This time, he said, he did not actually want a coffee drink, but the opportunity was too good to pass up. “Usually I park at the post office and get coffee, so this time I pulled in here, then went to get my mail.”
Study that debunks the debunkers is flawed, critics say
A fact-finding panel tasked with disproving a disputed truth has itself been compromised by alleged bias, according to critics whose own expertise has been questioned.
Immigrant trees brutally assaulted in ‘foliage shaming’ incident
Photos of the crime scene in Sonoma’s Depot Park, where majestic but undocumented non-native eucalyptus immigrants from Australia were brutally cut down with chainsaws, remains taped off as police and forensic botanists search for clues. Meanwhile, reports The Sun’s Bob Edwards, other Australians huddle in fear nearby, knowing they could be next.
Jane Fonda rolls out ‘protest couture’ fashion line
The ever-stylish Jane Fonda has released a line of clothing designed for women who want to look great while being arrested at a climate change rally. “Flattering and slimming, yet practical,” says the Academy Award-winning actress and activist. “You still want to look your best, even when being dragged into a police van.” Fonda, 81, was arrested recently at a rally on the steps of the U.S. Capitol Building. “Handcuffs are the ultimate fashion accessory, ” she says.
SF Giants hire IBM supercomputer as next manager
Fully committed to an analytical approach to major league baseball, The San Francisco Giants have replaced outgoing manager Gabe Kapler, a human, with an IBM supercomputer. The massive device can perform 200 quadrillion calculations per second. “This baby beat the world chess champ, and won Jeopardy,” said Giants ownership.”It should be able to figure out when to bunt or pull a relief pitcher.”
