Amid the hair-on-fire frenzy that climate change is dooming the planet are a number of Good News Clues overlooked or ignored by celebrity influencers that strongly suggest the climate will take care of itself, thank-you-very-much. Those distracted by the start of football season may have missed them, so this summary of scientific and biblical fact has been assembled to help lessen fears of hurricanes in Alaska, tsunamis in Kansas, and the imminent evaporation of the Plaza’s duck pond.
The first reassuring fact is that, over its entire existence, the planet itself has been demonstrably doom-proof. E.g., it has endured asteroid strikes that wiped out some very big dinosaurs; several Ice Ages that would have easily broken every PG&E line in the county; and explosive volcanic eruptions that created entire islands and buried all the very best Italian restaurants in Pompeii.
That’s typical of the planet’s track record for surviving environmental catastrophes and abuses. It – and humanity – has steadfastly endured many apocalyptic disasters, climate or otherwise, including total solar eclipses that terrified The Ancients; earthquakes that cleaved continents; choking dust bowls; thermonuclear bombings; world wars that killed scores of millions; and a torrential downpour that covered the globe in a mountain-high flood for 40 days & nights, killing everyone and everything except a middle-aged couple and their tiny Ark full of critters.
To this day, Earth – and humanity – continues to survive such horrors, plus full-body tattoos and “listen carefully because our menu options have changed.” Through it all the planet (with us on it) spins merrily on its axis at over 1,000 mph while hurtling along on a 584-million-mile orbit around the sun at a blistering 67,000 mph.
Earth is also said to orbit counterclockwise – to the Left – without protest by a single Republican.
Still, the concern is that “Climate Change” could wipe us all out, even though Scientists tell us that the climate has changed drastically more than a few times. E.g., several Ice Ages, followed by warmings that once reached 134 degrees and produced immense jungles, T-Rexs, snakes, scribes, pharisees, and other nightmares, only to freeze resident humans with another mammoth-filled ice age or terrorize them with prophets.
But though Homo Sapiens have only been on the planet for some 300,000 years of its 4.5 billion-year existence, this latest global warming is supposedly all our fault, caused by our brief 300-year romance with fossil fuels and methane-farting cows. They say that if we don’t soon show more environmental respect, the planet could become uninhabitable for humans. I.E.: We’ll all die. (Ed. Note: Throughout history all humans have eventually died without problem; OK, maybe a few insurance issues.)
Bottom line: The climate will eventually change again anyway, whether humans cause it or not. More enduring is the belief – hope? – of many that the climate of 300 years ago was Ordained By Heaven and the Chamber of Commerce to remain forever. For better or worse, however, planetary history indicates that our Garden of Eden is merely the current version.
And that should be comforting to those who know that, over any garden’s lifetime, it can go through many Seasons – of growth, decay, and Renewal – not to mention the Very Best Season of All, when those Watmaugh Road strawberries are absolutely delicious
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