A life coach now deeply and humorously informed by becoming a father, Jay founded the ‘Gonzo Parenting’ website, cartoon, and podcast. His book Gonzo Parenting The Comic Book comes out later this month. Here, he chats with The Sun’s Val Robichaud.
First, the backstory. Where are you from, and why Sonoma?
I’m originally from Springfield, MA; I went to college in Maine, law school in Connecticut, and culinary school in Manhattan. In Nov. 2012, my wife and I were trying to settle down long-term, and no location was feeling right. Out of the blue, I blurted, “Hey, remember that one weekend? We went to Sonoma, and we both said we had the best weekend of our lives?!” Well, the next month we rented an Airbnb. On December 12, we signed a short-term lease. In 2014 we bought a home here, and in 2015 had boy/girl twins.
What was it that grabbed you?
I believe that loving where you live constitutes about 80% of your happiness quotient. We planted roots because we love the community and small-town family feel. I feel blessed to be here and believe people don’t end up here accidentally. You were either born here and liked it enough to stay/come back, or you deliberately chose here. Either way, I feel like the cool peeps that inhabit Sonoma are self-selecting and that while Sonoma may “change,” I think it’s one of those rare environments where folks join the community more for the values than the home value.
And the career…
It’s funny, I started in life coaching (broadly speaking) and then fell into a niche of hybrid business coaching. I would work with individuals launching their first businesses. They wanted marketing strategy and support to navigate the mental and emotional challenges of entrepreneurship.
It seems like a different world now. Has your advice/counseling changed?
Everything has changed. I think my coaching has shifted from hinting at higher consciousness during sessions to putting it at the forefront of my work. Clients seem to have an appetite for taking bigger leaps of faith and ruthlessly pursuing a life that makes sense to them. I feel like I used to make the case for why one should pursue this path, more of trying to convert, if you will, to now focusing more on how to accelerate the journey. More people are there now. They know the emperor wears no clothes – put differently, they’ve tasted the real maple syrup, and they’re not going back. I strongly believe this was one of the positives of our quarantine crucible.
What’s particularly gratifying about that field?
If you hang in the game long enough, the bread crumbs start to appear. Every once in a while, and amusingly, most often when I’m thinking to myself, “What in the hell am I doing with my life?” I receive an email, or a hand-written note, that reads to the effect of: “You might not remember me, but we met at x, and we talked about y, and you told me z. I’ve been meaning to email you because I want to let you know that it all worked out like you said it would…” It’s in those moments that I realize that I need to remember that it’s the process and not the quick-turned gratification. That’s the game – planting trees that other people will sit under the shade of.
Meanwhile, you had kids. Suddenly, new lives to coach.
I was an only child raised by a single mom. I had never been around children in my life. Then we had boy-girl twins. Kids are a handful no matter what, but boy, twins kicked my butt. My kids (like all kids) pushed me into areas of self-exploration and challenge that I ever thought possible. As my children distorted my reality more and more, I began to post on social media about that craziness with a wry angle of humor, and I unintentionally began to get a bit of a following. Then covid hit and I found myself in a house with five-year-old twins 24/7. I’m hardcore ADHD, so this was cruel punishment. Bye, bye, sanity!
But you found a creative way to channel it.
I began to transparently post about my mental and emotional journey not only with covid but of fatherhood in general. I think my writings resonated with parents because it was a fresh voice from a new perspective in a time of total uncertainty. Intuitively, I felt the time was right to move in a new direction, and many of my readers were asking for it, so I doubled down and launched GonzoParenting.com. It’s a community for irreverent parents that eschew perfect parenting and leverage community, comedy, and camaraderie for the catharsis that we all need.
From that came the cartoon, and now a new book.
We launched a Facebook group that grew to 1,300+ people in three weeks, secured the trademark for Gonzo Parenting, founded a comic strip, launched a podcast, and this month, we’re publishing our first book! In many ways, my coaching practice has evolved organically since becoming a father. Now, I primarily coach parents in two categories: Parents wanting to do the personal development work needed to become the mom or dad they wish they had, or parents seeking entrepreneurship as a lifestyle choice to forge their own path and spend more time with their families.
Tell us a bit about your work with Boys & Girls Clubs
I grew up attending a Boys & Girls Club in Massachusetts. Roughly six years ago, I was humbled to be invited to serve on the Board of Directors of our local Sonoma Club, where I currently sit as the Board Chair. We presently serve over 60% of the youth in Sonoma. I’m most proud of how we showed up for the community during the multiple fires and the pandemic.
When you need to chill out…
I thought it would be going into nature on an RV trip with my family. Then I went on an RV trip with my family. Relax and chill, I did not. So, I’m going to go with waking up before my family and watching the sunrise with a cup of coffee in the hot tub.
What’s your bumper-sticker?
More than anything else, timing matters – proceed accordingly.
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