Do you remember what you thought and felt when you were 15, 16 or 17 years old? Did you hold the exact same worldview as your parents? Did your worldview change the moment you turned 18 and were now considered an adult? I think if we are all honest, we will admit that many of our views were formed long before we were considered “adults.”
As we aged, some views changed a bit, some never changed and some views were completely reversed. Over our lifetimes, this process continued, and with each passing year we realized there is no fixed age that signifies “adulthood.” Many of the views we held at 15 are still unchanged at 75.
This brings me to the concept of parental control, or parents’ rights, and the labeling of 15,16 and 17-year-olds as “children.” As I read the right-wing social media attack posts against flying the Pride flag at Sonoma Valley High School – many of them from a group called Petaluma Conservatives – I see this concept repeated over and over. Parental control, or rights, are at the forefront of their arguments.
This group, and those who share their views, seem to think that 15,16 and17-year- olds are “children,” with no rights, critical thinking skills or intelligence. They state that, somehow, outside agitators and adults are “sexualizing” children. If all of us would look back on ourselves in our high school years, I think many of us would easily admit to the fact that, at that age, we were sexually aware human beings. We did not miraculously start to care deeply about our own sexuality the day we turned 18.
I think we would also admit that our worldviews, critical thinking skills and powers of investigation were maturing rapidly at this point in our lives, and form much of the basis for who we are today.
At the same time, many of us – including me – realize that some of what our parents wanted from us, and for us, were tragically flawed ideas that were not in our best interests as human beings, nor as a part of the larger society. For me it was positive support from, and discussion with, my teachers and professors that most often helped me on my path to adulthood. And I hate to say it, but 80 percent of the time their ideas were in direct conflict with those of my father.
In old age, I realize, he had only his own experience of being abandoned by his father, along with all his siblings, to the State School for Neglected and Dependent Children. While my mother did her best to help us, she was herself trapped in a vision of what a wife’s role was. Though she instilled in us a love of education, she could not give me or my sisters the tools we needed to respect ourselves as independent women. It took all three of us many years of living to achieve that.
While I was away recently, hiking trails on the Sonoma Coast, our Sonoma Valley High School students stood up against the idea that they are mere “children,” incapable of using their critical thinking skills and intellect. In reality, they are more “adult” than those dismissing their ideas and maturity. They are informed and intelligent members of our community and will be informed and thoughtful voters the day they turn 18.
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