Snark Infested Waters ~ Bob Edwards

Bob Edwards

Archives



Jeb!

Posted on September 11, 2015 by Bob Edwards

Campaign logos that ignite supporters and help win elections are usually carefully crafted after weeks of ferreting out the hopes and fears of voters through scientific polling conducted by highly-paid campaign operatives whose job it is to polir l’étron (pardon the French, but this is a family newspaper).

But “Jeb!” may be unique in the history of political expletives as an attempt to fool the voters in plain sight, not unlike a magician showing us how the trick is done yet managing to fool us anyway. “Jeb!” is nothing less than a we-know-we’re-naked attempt to convince voters that, if elected, Jeb! would not be the 3rd Bush in the White House or as fumbling daft as the first two.

This bold strategy – Machiavellian in its cunning – turns conventional politicking on its head.   If successful, it would be the first time a candidate is elected to the presidency by making voters forget his name.

However, because his name (perhaps minus the exclamation point) will appear on the ballot, forgetting that “Jeb!” is another Bush might require lobotomies, if not beheadings, on a national scale. Complicating matters, his real name is not “Jeb!” Bush but “John Ellis Bush,” someone few have heard of and a potential problem in picky jurisdictions that insist that a candidate’s real name appear on the ballot.

But making voters forget Jeb!’s name is important to his chances because rude Democrats – and not a few Republicans — will be shouting reminders that Momma Bush famously said: “We don’t need another Bush in the White House.”

Using just one name has worked wonders for Beyonce and Madonna, so why can’t it work for Jeb!?   A glance at either of those ladies makes it hard to credit that as a serious political question, and even harder to over-think the answer.

Many say it won’t work, that when Jeb! is repeatedly placed under the hot lights and TV close-ups of the debate stage, the family resemblance is too strong. Most prominent: those Please-Don’t-Cross-On-Me-Now eyes that spectacles can’t hide. Look into Jeb!’s eyes and you can almost see – and hear – brother George:

“You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.”

“More and more of our imports come from overseas.”

Or, misremembering which country has the world’s largest nuclear, chemical and biological arsenal:   “Free nations don’t develop weapons of mass destruction.”

Jeb!’s five-day stumbling response(s) to the question, “Knowing what you know now, would you have invaded Iraq?” was not a confidence-builder. More like watching American Pharaoh do a series of face-plants right out of the gate at Belmont.

His campaign explained that Jeb! was ‘a little rusty,’ having been out of politics a while, and apparently forgot that his midget-minded sibling blew thousands of lives and trillions of dollars turning Iraq into ISIS. As monuments to ineptitude (he later opined that the country needn’t spend $500 million on women’s health care), Jeb!’s Q & A performances to date recall Sarah Palin’s struggle with: “What newspapers do you read?”

Still, for a 19th century GOP being savaged by Trump and desperate for a 21st century candidate, a Jeb! in the hand is worth two in the bush. Whether that’s enough, or too many, remains to be seen. On the bright side, Jeb! did get a “C” on that Confederate flag question.



One thought on “Jeb!

Comments are closed.


Sonoma Sun | Sonoma, CA