That round ball above our necks called the brain is a hazardous, complex machine. We all have different parts inside it, some of us manage them better than others. I can assure you though – the inner tyrant is in us all. You might paste on a smiley face like a marionette, but just let someone cut in front of you in the grocery line or on the road – your inner gangster will pop out.
Below awareness, unconscious to us, lies this inner terrorist, this judgmental voice. It takes many forms and shapes. We don’t know why we get nasty, grumpy, sluggish, lethargic or blurry. This internal judge says, “Quit whining, you’re too much,” or “You’re not enough. You’ll never get it together.” Listening to the voice of my inner critic makes me lie on the couch, eat chips and bread, stuffing my body with flour and water. It becomes a paste, like Elmer’s glue, holding me down.
It’s subtle at first, so I can hardly hear it. “Why don’t you lighten up? You’re a bottomless pit, a burden, too needy. Your wishes are unrealistic, you’re too old, too big for your britches.” It sucks the life out of us, then we isolate, get moody, furious or curl up in a ball.
So, speaking of balls, all of this is taking place on the grand, big round globe right now. Dictator mentality exists inside us and outside us. I know it’s hard to realize that the leaders we criticize may have grown up believing that being bulldozers was the definition of power. Or, they could have been abused, and so learned to do the same kind of behavior. But, politics comes down to people.
The reason I want to point this out is not just because I am a counselor and psychology is my field of study. It’s also because I believe if we don’t start valuing mediation, negotiation, mental health and good quality counseling, as well as dialogue, we will keep repeating history. That was one of Freud’s ideas – the repetition compulsion.
The inner tyrant is a serious force in our world, now more than ever armed with guns and bombs. The pissed-off inner child, or the imbedded authority figures that we swallowed whole, that we were led to believe represent power, are a part of the psychology of ugly politics. The paradigm we have bought into for too long is that in order to be important, to be seen, to be adored, to win, we have to dominate.
What we need is more education, more critical thinking in our schools, and more witnessing how well-facilitated dialogue and self-exploration can change a person, a couple, a family and, therefore, an entire system – the world. I know, I know, things are too ugly right now and we have to keep our fists out. So, an overlooked key to ending barbarian behaviors and politics will require a new narrative.
Nelson Mandela had it right: “No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”
Katy Byrne, LMFT, is a Psychotherapist in Sonoma. Find her online at ConversationswithKaty.com.
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