David Bolling: Talk About Dysphoria!!!

The words that follow will not please everyone and I’m sure they will make some people angry. Some people will disagree with what I say here for the exactly opposite reasons that others will disagree. So be it. 

Because the subject is sex, sexuality, gender, gender identity. And let’s review the nomenclature, shall we?

• Gender dysphoria (it’s in the DSM): Birth sex doesn’t align with gender identity
• Gender Incongruence (It’s a WHO preferred term) for dysphoria.
• Gender Identity Disorder: Outdated, but easy to understand.
• Transgender: Their biological sex doesn’t conform to who they are inside.
• Gender Nonconforming: Covers the waterfront without explaining anything.
• Genderqueer: People who don’t identify as traditional man or woman.
• Non-binary: See genderqueer.
• Bisexual: Someone attracted to men, women and sometimes nonbinary people. Skoliosexual: Primarily attracted to people who are transgender, nonbinary, etc.
• Zedsexual: Anyone not on the asexual spectrum.
• Berrysexual: Someone attracted to all genders but has a strong binary attraction to feminine-aligned, androgynous people.
• Queer: All of the above.
• Asexual: Little or no sexual attraction to other people. (What a relief!) 

Are we clear on all that, all of us non-queer, over-40, middle-American homophobes? Of course we aren’t. That’s why there are so many letters in LGBTQ, or LGBTQ+, or LGBTQR, or LGBTQIA.

And that’s why the Sonoma Valley Unified School District Trustees can’t wrap their collective head around the simple question of approving a pride flag to continue to fly from one of four flag poles at Sonoma Valley High School.

Let’s be honest. For at least two members of that board there is some conscious – or just slightly subconscious – discomfort about the whole non-hetero universe. And more than likely, that discomfort exists to some degree in all of them, because it exists in most of us. It certainly exists in me, and I am the loving father of one of those nonbinary/queer/gender dysphoric kids. 

For some people, the discomfort is deeply and secretly personal, because it cuts too close to the bone. For others, the discomfort arises out of their church’s interpretation of Biblical texts condemning anything other than heterosexuality as evil and to be condemned. And for still other people, somehow isolated from queer culture, the reaction is mostly, WTF??, I don’t get it, do your own thing, but don’t make me even try to understand all the weirdness. 

Truth be told, the weirdness has always been there. There is no sudden mass “conversion to perversion” because of the radical left lifestyle, if such a thing actually exists. It’s only a guess, but it sure feels like there are more closeted queer people on the conservative side of the political spectrum, than on its left-hand opposite. 

Conventional culture works hopelessly hard to regulate conventional behavior, which means Barbie dolls and Ken dolls, and there are only two genders. But human life is endlessly evolving, and part of that evolution involves exploring with ever more precision and honesty the variations from the norm. Sexuality is simply not a narrow, binary reality. It is shades of the rainbow, and human culture has been steadily extending its collective arms outward to cautiously, timidly, fearfully but inevitably embrace the frequently uncomfortable realities of what being human is, and is becoming. 

Ultimately, with all due respect to religious beliefs, Nature will have its way, human procreation will never be stopped, or even slowed, by the homosexual percentage of a heterosexual species. 

So, back to the pride flag at Sonoma Valley High School. If you don’t think there is any conscious or unconscious homophobia in the reluctance to solve a simple problem about flying a flag that will make marginalized teens feel more secure, then I’d like to sell you a bridge. Please, let’s be honest. Let’s look briefly inside our souls. We’re all human. We all fear the unknown. Sometimes especially when the unknown is manifest in our own children. 

Give them the f****** flag! It’s not complicated. It’s kind. Maybe for some it’s brave. But it’s right. And then we can get back to education.