Dear Dr. Forsythe: I moved into the area a few months ago from Texas, and I have enjoyed reading your column ever since. I’m writing to you because you seem to be sensitive to the issues people have regarding family and the roll pets play regarding the human-animal bond.
Several years ago, I lost my wonderful husband after a prolonged illness. Our dog “Candy” was a constant source of comfort and support and love through that period in our lives. After my husband’s parting, Candy took very good care of me until she too went over rainbow bridge. Although I miss my husband very much, and I think about Candy and him every single day, I just don’t feel like I can even think about getting another dog yet. I have moved here to begin a new chapter in my life, and all the people pressuring me to get another dog are causing me both grief and embarrassment.
My friends say I am being stubborn and I need to open my heart, but those comments only make me feel less likely to consider it. Also, my children, who are grown, have said that a year is more than enough time to wait after Candy passed away to think about another animal. As I have read in your column before, you are aware how insistent children can be at times, so I was interested in hearing your thoughts on the matter.
Sign me,
“Not sure I’m ready for more Candy”
Dear “Not sure”
Thank you for taking the time to write to me, and thank you for reading my column in the first place and appreciating the significance of the human animal bond. When I read your letter it was very clear to me that come across as a woman with a distinct point of view. You have made it quite clear in your letter, through your candor, and your honesty, that nobody, no thing, and no pet, can magically help you through this period you are going through.
No doubt with the losses you have undergone the last couple years, you have much to nurture within yourself along this journey. It sounds like your loved ones think that a companion pet will help safeguard that journey and make the road more steady. I’m sure they mean well, but only a tincture of time will help you get ready for the moment when you will simply know that you are ready for another pet to love. And more likely, a pet will probably choose you, when you least expect it, and the pairing will be heaven sent.
Your letter describes a person with very normal and healthy reactions to the loss of a pet that was much loved by both you and your late husband. In my humble opinion (and my unanimous one, I should add!) you have nothing to be embarrassed about or to answer for when people try to question you about this matter or pressure you. Be firm and confident that this is a matter for which you have given careful attention, and that you will certainly let them know if and when you decide to take on another companion, be it a human one or a four-legged one!
Dr. F
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