When an uninvited visitor wreaks havoc

Dear Dr. Forsythe,

A couple of weeks ago our best friends Gayle and Steven came up from the South Bay to spend the weekend with us and do a little wine tasting.  We’ve been getting together with them a few times a year for the past five years and always have a great time. (And we visit them down in Morgan Hill too when we feel like riding horses).  The problem was that they brought along their new puppy this time–but neglected to ask us if it was OK, or even inform us, that “Studebaker” would be coming along for the weekend.

Well, doc, I should let you know that from the moment their 16-week-old Rhodesian Ridgeback popped out of the car and came running towards me, the weekend became one string of nightmares after another.

First, “Stud” ran through my beautiful flower garden and tore up some of my best blooms. Before I could even utter a word, and while everyone was enjoying the calamity, the beast was off and into the house.  All Gayle could say, with tears of laughter running down her face was, “sorry”.

Once inside Studebaker ran over the sofa before I managed to grab hold of him and usher him out back.  Little did I know that his reign of terror had just begun. By the time the weekend was finished, that beast managed to destroy a screen door, part of the redwood picnic table, and literally ravage my beautiful vegetable garden.  The worst part is that I think my friendship with Gayle is over.  I just couldn’t seem to contain my resentment and anger over her, and the dog’s, behavior.

Each time we came home from another activity, something else was destroyed or mauled. I seemed to be the only one truly irked by the behavior, and I am wondering if this type of thing is normal?  Aren’t puppy owners supposed to be responsible for their dogs, especially if they are visiting friends or family?  Don’t you think it is wrong to let an untrained dog wreak havoc and act so nonchalant about it?  I was truly appalled at the whole situation and don’t think I can ever forgive our friends for the way they handled this.  My husband was hurt too, but he thinks I’ve blown all this out of proportion.

I’d love to have you weigh in.  This friendship meant a lot to me, but I feel like our friends plopped a big pile right on me — if you know what I mean.

Dumped on in Sonoma

Dear Dumped,

I think you are completely justified to let Gayle and Steven know just how upset you are with them after this gut-wrenching weekend you endured with them and their misbehaved pooch. When people show up with an extra guest in tow, whether an additional person or a pet, this is showing poor manners and thoughtlessness to the host.  Unless your friends know you well enough to know you are a dog-crazy person who can’t get enough of pets, it was really taking a gamble not asking your permission to bring Studebaker.

Letting you get trampled by their out-of-control pet and then laughing at the situation was both rude and disrespectful.  Making you the “butt of the joke” was not the best way to warm you up to their new family member, and it sounds like things only got worse from that point onward.

I wish your husband had stepped up to the plate and taken a little control in setting some boundaries with these clueless houseguests.  There is strength in numbers and it sounds like it was three people and one menacing Ridgeback nuisance against one harried hostess.  But even a hostess with the mostest has an obligation to put her foot down, and in your position, I may have felt compelled to call a local boarding facility after having the dog ruin my screen door.  While it may have seemed cold or insensitive, there is little or nothing to be gained by acting co-dependent and allowing yourself to be stepped all over by these friends and their dog.

While it is hard to believe that so much destruction happened in one short weekend, much of it seemed avoidable.  Since these guests were behaving so neglectfully in managing the dog, you had every right to take things under control and demand they keep the beast in a crate or take him to a local boarding facility.  I think it would be very smart to send them a well-worded note to work out your friendship — because it may be that these dunces just didn’t know how irresponsible they were — and cop to your part in letting them get away with it.

And while you’re at it, let them know how much they owe for the repairs to your home and garden!

Sincerely,

Dr. Vallard C. Forsythe