Snark Infested Waters ~ Bob Edwards

Bob Edwards


War with Iran: Q & A

Posted on January 6, 2020 by Bob Edwards

To ring in the New Year, President Trump assassinated the #2 Guy in Iran, much to the outrage of U.S. allies and enemies around the world.  Iranian leaders responded by putting a $80 million bounty on Mr. Trump’s head and social media is now aflame with questions like, “What Happens Now?” Talking heads on all major networks – Right, Left, Center and Beyond Belief – are considering the possibilities, some of which would require intricate military and diplomatic chess-moves and unicorns from Santa’s workshop.

In the Valley, the event has readers demanding answers to practical kitchen-table questions, like:

~ Is Iran that big island place that’s on fire? 

~ Must I be an Iranian citizen, or does everyone have a shot at that $80 million?

~ Will the price of (non-explosive) Iranian imports skyrocket?

~ Will I be drafted?

Let’s take those questions in reverse order and hope that limited space allows us to get through all of them.

“Will I be drafted?” 

Short answer: Probably at least not until Iranian rockets, drones, roadside bombs, assassins, etc., maim or kill the thousands of troops now in or headed for the region, and /or sizable numbers of the millions of American tourists visiting places around the globe. 

Longer answer:  Congress would have to activate the draft and, under current law, kids are subject to the draft if they are males between the ages of 18 and 25.  Women don’t have to register for the draft, so Congress would have to change the law to draft women. For now, females hoping to live beyond age 25 without caregivers or prosthetic devices can relax a little. 

That said, women can voluntarily enlist in the military, or help the Endless War effort by giving birth to sons who, if they serve, become eligible for free lifetime VA healthcare, unlike their stay-at-home moms.

“What if I’m not female; how can I avoid being drafted?”  

Suggestion:  If the draft is activated anytime soon, show up in a skirt and lipstick, declare yourself transgender and plant a big kiss on the burly recruiting sergeant’s lips.  

What???  Yes, well, in 2017, to please his evangelical base Trump banned transgender people from serving.  They were estimated to number about 15,000 proud and loyal active duty troops, the equivalent of an entire Army division.  Initially, the ban was enjoined by lower courts but last year the Supreme Court allowed Trump to implement it while litigation continues.  He promptly implemented it last April so now there’s a big demand for new untrained troops to replace the experienced, battle-hardened & expensively trained troops Trump kicked out.  

 Again, Congress could amend the law to allow transgender kids to serve.  Watching that debate would be worth the popcorn, as Congresspeople on both the Right and Left ‘finessed’ their principles about allowing transgender kids to (a) Patriotically, or (b) Stupidly risk life and limb in service of the president’s (very) foreign policy.  

As things now stand, a law allowing theys to serve would have to pass by a margin large enough to override a possible presidential veto.  More popcorn: To watch the president decide whether to veto it and please his anti-LGBTQ evangelical base or sign it and send transgender kids into the maw of Endless War (Iranian chapter), alongside kids of parents who may want their non-transgender offspring to be at the head of the line to meet Jesus.  

“Will the price of (non-explosive) Iranian imports increase?”

Ooops!  Looks like we’re out of space.  Dang!




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