‘Tis the season that locals and tourists alike look forward to with excitement, fear and trepidation: Wildfire Season.
For weeks now, every entity responsible for preventing, fighting or talking about wildfires has urged residents to “Keep your Go-Bag at the ready!” and “Be prepared to Evacuate!”
That’s very sound advice, and even somewhat useful. “Somewhat,” because while its core message –“Get out before y’all burn to death!!” – makes excellent sense, where to go is pretty much left to chance unless you enjoy sleeping with hundreds of evacuated strangers on a basketball court in Sonoma or Richmond.
Deciding where to flee involves important considerations:
- Where is the fire headed?
- Where to stay when you get where you’re going?
- Can you get there before the fire gets here?
Evacuation veterans of 2017 will recall sitting in massive traffic jams on Highway 12 and Arnold Drive, when everyone immediately did as told: “Get Out Or Die!” With 1,000 new homes, a hotel and commercial center currently planned for the former Sonoma Development Center site on Arnold Drive, evacuation will only get . . . oh, never mind.
Cramming go-bags, kids, pets, etc. into their cars, even the well-prepared can panic over whether they are Forgetting Something Important:
Phones? Phone charger? Checkbook? Cash? Wallets? Precious family albums? Wine? Hygiene items? Credit cards? Deed to the house? Insurance policies? Gas for the car? Children? Wine? Lock the house & garage? Hang the white “Vacant” slip on the front door so firefighters and burglars will know your house is empty? Wine?
But evacuating is only half the equation. Unless driving a camper to live & sleep in, ‘where to go?’ is the other question. Friend/relative’s house? Hotel/motel? Did you make reservations? (No, you didn’t save a copy of the wildfire schedule).
All in all, Wildfire Season is a time of chaos, terror, diarrhea, insurance cancellations, etc.
Fortunately, science has now pinpointed the cause of most wildfires, moving us closer to the goal of Prevention. Per Google University researchers, 84% of all wildfires are started by humans. If that pest can be controlled, wildfires could become as rare as good news.
Yes, dry vegetation and wind certainly play a role in spreading wildfires. But first the fires have to ignite. The ignition temperature of dry grass is 500 degrees Fahrenheit (260 Celsius for foreigners), but the hottest days hereabouts only reach the low 100’s. So “hot, dry and windy” conditions won’t ignite any blazes.
Ignition requires (a) a lightning strike or (b) another source. Lightning strikes – as hot as 60,000 degrees Fahrenheit – are rare in the rainless/stormless summers hereabouts. Examples of more common wildfire starters are:
- Cars with hot catalytic converters (1200 degrees Farenheit) parked over dry grass
- Sparks from bar-b-ques & backyard trash-burns
- Discarded still-burning cigarette butts
- Sparks caused by plow discs, mower blades or other devices striking a stone
- Fireworks
- Downed power lines
- Arsonists
- Etc.
Note that the common ignition source in all of the above is Homo Sapiens. More specifically, Homo Sapiens Testicales.
For good reasons or bad, by and large it is Testicales who engages in ignition-causing activities. Homo Sapiens Vaginales occasionally supervises the bar-b-que, but that’s usually “man’s work.” And Vaginales snuffs her hot butt in the ashtray, not out the car window.
In the final analysis, perhaps the best advice for staying calm and sane this fire season is simple: Make sure that Go-Bag has red and white wine, and don’t forget the corkscrew.
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