The TikToc Group Chat invitation came from “SecDef-PistolPete,” and it was labeled, “PrinsCom ONLY – Highly Confidential and Private. Don’t Share This With AWINOOU (Anyone Who Is Not One Of Us).
I looked at the rest of the names on the invitation. There was KN-Rolex DgKlr-Grll; JD-Jr.Dict, RMad, JRCIA, MAR, MWNSA, S&M, SWit, JR-Sig, TulsGab, SteBan, NOTYRBznz.
I was listed as DBSONVALSON.
All the video cubes were still blank, but there was a general, incoherent buzz coming through my speaker and what sounded like a K-Pop song called Sugar Rush Ride. An adolescent voice was singing, “I can Feel I Can’t Resist It.”
“What’s this about,” I asked whoever.
“Oh, sorry. My bad,” said a very young voice, “I’ll turn off the tunes.”
“Is that a kid? What’s a kid doing on this chat?” said an angry male voice, coming from the SecDef-PistolPete cube.
“The kid is mine,” said the Rolex-DgKlr-Grll cube.
“Why’s he here,” said SecDef-PistolPete, snarling.
“Oh, so you think you know how to do the nav on TikTok? Go for it Tat-Man.”
The S&M cube said, “Wait, don’t you have to be 16 to be on a TikTok Group Chat?”
“Well screw you, ass wipe, I’m seventeen. Tell him Mom.”
“It’s true. He’s 17. He’s my little man. Aren’t you Booker?”
“He has clearance?” TulsGab said, skeptically.
“Damn right,” said Rolex-DgKlr-Grll, “I cleared him my own damn self.”
“I’m not here,” said MAR, “because I’m in Moscow. Think I’ll just go dark. Bye.”
Just then all the cubes went to live video, but every face was a cartoon animal.
“Wait, whuttt?” said about six people in unison.”
“It’s for security,” said Rolex-DgKlr-Grll,” that’s why Booker’s here. Somebody has to do the Morph Animal Filter, unless you think you can handle it SteBan.”
“No, I’m good. But who’s running this show? The kid?”
“Who the hell do you think is running it,” snarled SecDef-PistolPete. “OK? Now, let’s go around the horn, make sure we all know who’s here this time. Can’t have anymore f**k ups like last time. So, obviously, I’m SecDef-PistolPete, and I’m obviously here, and I called the damned meeting.”
“And I’m obviously here,” said Rolex-DgKlr-Grll, “but you better drive this bus damn fast ‘cause I’m due in NYC in three hours for another TV-Op of a illegal-Venezuelan round-up.”
“I’m here,” said JD-Jr.Dict. “But I have some questions about some of the illegals you’re rounding up. We’re getting some bad press.”
“No worries,” said Rolex-DgKlr-Grll, “we’re rounding up some press too. Just the ones that complain.”
“I’m here,” said RMad, “but I don’t know why.”
“You sound familiar,” said JRCIA, “do I know you?”
“Well helloo, I’m in your damn Blackberry.”
“Rachel? Rachel Madow? Sweet Jesus.”
I felt the need to interrupt.
“Are you people out of your Efffing minds. You’re holding another PrinsCom meeting on a public platform? On TikTok?”
“I don’t know you,” said SecDef-PistolPete. “Who the hell are you?”
“I’m David,” I said, thinking I should have kept quiet. “David, from the Sun.”
“Right,” said SecDef-PistolPete, “and I’m the freakin’ man in the Moon”
Instantly all the screens went blank.
Be First to Comment