Bob Edwards: Enough Already! A Final Solution For ADHD

At one time or another, and often several times at the same time, readers have felt completely overwhelmed by Everything Going On These Days. No wonder we forget where we put the keys. Just walking from car to the front door, we can simultaneously ponder:

What’s for dinner?
Why is Vladimir Putin so short?
The kid did a nice job on the lawn.
Ukrainians aren’t going to win.
Call Agnes about today’s meeting.
Was that an earthquake?
Target has a sale on shoes.
No way the Giants will lose tomorrow.

Where are my keys??

Psychologists (psychiatrists, for emotionally advanced patients) may diagnose ADHD – Attention Deficit Hyper-Activity Disorder – which, per Dr. Google, is:

“Difficulty sustaining attention in tasks or activities; Easily distracted by external stimuli; Forgetfulness in daily activities; Trouble following instructions; and difficulty organizing tasks and time.”

ADHD is increasingly common nowadays, because too much is going on. Even professional newscasters – tightly scripted – can’t stay focused. In the midst of reporting on yet another mass shooting, they may suddenly blurt “. . . and did you see the goofy T-shirt that guy was wearing!??”

While feeding the Dog, ruminating about tomorrow’s shopping list and pondering a new crack in the ceiling, your correspondent has analyzed the state of 21st Century Information Overload and has identified the root cause and – yes – a possible cure.

The cause? Brains.

Awake, asleep and/or pharmaceutically enhanced, brains – each one packed with 86 trillion neurons (plus-or-minus) – are constantly processing. Not “thinking.” Processing. Babbling. Electrons zig-zag through an intercranial brain maze of neurons, carrying countless bits/bytes of “data” that can simultaneously operate fingers, heart, lungs, eyes and colon as I write this. If they do it quietly, I should be able to finish.

For eons, brains have constantly flickered, operating mouths to share flickers with other brains. A brain he didn’t order, hire or install directed Og to warn Ogette where the lion was. Another brain later invented writing, allowing anyone who stumbled across the clay tablet to learn where the lion was.

Still, brain-to-brain chatter was largely limited by the proximity of nearby brains able to receive and pass along information by Word Of Mouth. Brains devised “town criers,” yelling to every brain within earshot, “Hey, the lion’s over here!!”

Still not satisfied, brains made newspapers and gave copies to other brains to absorb data at their leisure. News, gossip, opinions – the mish-mash of brain stuff – quickly became even more widely shared, mingled and re-mish-mashed.

Then brains made telegraphs and telephones to share neuron firings over greater distances. In the blink of a century, their radios and TV things created global mish-mash.

Their computers, social media and i-Phones now let all eight billion brains on the planet instantly – and constantly – stream their gajabillion neuron firings-per-second-per-brain to each other, 24/7/365, without any I.Q. restrictions. Y’all’s brain in Alabama can text/talk with 约翰·史密斯in Beijing. The tsunami of cacophonic chatter (now there’s a metaphor phor you) has reached the point where brains everywhere are becoming overwhelmed, drowning in information and in desperate need of QUIET!

Of a Global Day of Silence.

Yes. For one entire day. Everyone. Everywhere: JUST SHUT UP.

No talk, texts, calls, TV, emails, messaging. No “news,” good or bad. Just . . . shush. For 24 hours.