Obesity is a growing concern in America, a huge issue the nation can’t seem to get its arms around. Judging by appearances, a popular sentiment appears to be: Who needs a treadmill or gym membership when we can exercise our jaws on delicious ice cream, burgers and fries?
But to be clear: It is never nice to describe anyone as f*t. Vatican-approved alternatives include: thick, plus-sized, full-figured, big-boned, stout, heavy-set, cuddly, curvy, rotund and extra.
That said, it’s impressive how waistlines have expanded all across America in only 250 years. Forget about conquering Outer Space; we’ve conquered the dessert aisle at Whole Foods. Why spend billion$ exploring The Great Unknown when we can explore every flavor of Ben & Jerry’s, one pint and seven dollars at a time?
On the plus side, America’s addiction to fast food and convenience is doing wonders for the eating industry. CEO’s from McDonald’s to Waffle House and the French Laundry must be rejoicing at the sight of their ever-expanding clientele. And what food vendor – from Michelin-rated to food truck – doesn’t want customers with ‘healthy appetites’?
Yes, such food marketing lingo contributes to our weighty situation. Readers may have noticed that there are no “diet” restaurants or supermarkets advertised anywhere. From supersize-me options to all-you-can-eat buffets, the food business challenges us: “Bet you can’t eat ‘til you drop!” Well, Americans have proven we are up to the challenge. Besides, who needs physical fitness when – thanks to cellphones and Door Dash – we can get tacos, fries and pizza home-delivered 24/7–365, without getting off the couch.
And let’s not forget the latest hero of weight gain: Big Pharma. Big P works tirelessly to give us magic pills and potions promising to shed pesky pounds in no time – two years max. With Ozempic, Wegovy and etc., no exhausting sweaty exercise is needed, making it possible to keep going back to the ‘fridge for seconds and thirds, right? Big P knows we’ll pay any price that allows us to enjoy eating and napping while losing weight, one pill or injection at a time.
And if all else fails, we can use Science to explain unsightly avoirdupois: “Hey, it’s genetic – I inherited this butt from pre-historic Neanderthals on dad’s side of the family.”
Fortunately, when all else does fail we can seek support from the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance, an organization that promotes f*t worldwide. And yes, they write f*t with an “a.” Per NAAFA.org:
“At least one-third of the world’s population is fat, yet fat people are discriminated against in all aspects of daily life. For over 50 years, NAAFA has worked to make the world a better place for fat people through education, advocacy, and support. We are a multigenerational, intersectional social justice organization creating opportunity for big bodied people and building community for fat people and our loved ones. Our work towards #EqualityAtEverySize is changing the world!”
See? It’s OK to be fat! Who knew?
So – don’t worry about that silly New Year’s resolution. Besides, there are ten months left to lose those pounds if we really want to, and a money-saving way to do it: Eat less, move more. And whether we like the size of our shadow or not, eating healthier and staying active can go a long way to shed bulk, improve our quality of life, and perhaps even extend the end of it.
And when it does end, no one will appreciate our efforts more than our pallbearers.
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