Life Advice From David Brooks
Anyone else frustrated lately? I keep thinking of the puppet Elmo’s question, “How’s everybody doing?” It got 200 million views and tens of thousands of replies. I could use Elmo around right now. I’m dazed and discombobulated recently, with whiplashing politics, aging, fire season, and the economy. The voting ballot alone was like a receipt from CVS, with a list of candidates long enough to reach the moon.
When I’m this unsure about the future, sometimes small issues seem magnified. This month, even doing the laundry threw me for a loop. I ran my hand around the inside of my dryer, looked behind it, staring into the hamper. Where the hell was the other sock?
I had a disgruntled “conversation with myself”:
“Seriously, how can this be? A sock can’t just walk away! I guess people break up after going through the wringer, but whatever happened to sticking together?” In these nonsensical times, chats with oneself can be a relief, even good for giggling. I mean, sixty names on the California ballot for governor, cutting off Sixty Minutes, storming New Jersey streets with huge horses for “enforcement,” and tear gas prodding protestors who are against the “detention” camps. More polarized, fractured groups, countries, families and leaders. There’s no sticking together anymore,
Are we, the people, like lost socks? Maybe one was politically right, the other left and they just couldn’t get along? If socks disappear and “ghost” each other like people do, we’re in serious trouble. The average person loses approximately 15 socks over the course of their lifetime. It’s as bad as the divorce rate. Instead of trying to talk it out, one sock flew the coop! (I thought of buying Velcro to help them remain a pair, like a little wedding ceremony, but marriages are unpredictable too.)
Anyway, don’t lose faith. There’s an upbeat thread afoot here too. Even though technology has contributed to our disappearing acts with texts, emails, blocking calls and more spinning in space, there’s longing for cohesion and unification.
New York Times columnist David Brooks recently gave a brilliant speech entitled, “How America Recovers.” You can find it on YouTube and I highly recommend it. Brooks says, “We are a very diverse society held together by a faith in the American dream. And when that faith goes, we fracture.” He adds, “45 percent of high school students now say they’re persistently hopeless and despondent. … Inner pain turns to outer hostility … resentment begins with a feeling of impotence.” When we feel “unseen,” he adds, “there’s the collapse of trust.” And when we believe “I can’t control my life” or “when people feel they are not granted equal standing …. (and) they’ve been denied human dignity,” it dismantles communities and our ability to thrive.
Ah, but he sees us shifting: “After living through the last 16 years, people are going to want a complete moral bath.” Brooks believes we can each decide on a new narrative, lives of morality, civility and kindness. A “cultural shift doesn’t happen from the top; it happens from all of us.” This can be accomplished in many ways. “You’ve got to decide who you’re going to be.” So, here’s the challenge, can we each choose to live in more respectful ways each day? Are we willing to engage in making life better for all?
There are many ways to serve a fair society. Brooks suggests the question, “What is life asking of me?” Not – what do I want? Consider volunteering, helping others, art, attending community meetings, letters, calls to officials and voters, supporting animal safety, etc. Through marches, boycotts and sit-ins, the civil rights movement threw sand in the gears of white supremacy. Whatever you do, lift up decency, respectful dialogue and dignity.
Otherwise, we’ll end up like lost socks.
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