We are told when we meet someone to be open-minded, to give someone new the benefit of a doubt. Do not judge people on first impressions.
When I was young my instincts were not yet formed. I trusted, unintentionally. When there were signs that someone was less than honest, manipulating me for some purpose or just plain a narcissistic borderline sociopath, I did not get it, until it was too late.
Heeding cues that you should not trust someone and being overly judgmental is tricky. I like to think that at 73, I am a skeptic, but not someone who jumps to conclusions without careful observation. In youth I was subjected to a lot of pain, due to my undeveloped ability to read people. Boyfriends turned out to be abusive, manipulative and outright liars. Friends betrayed things I told them in confidence. Employers and fellow employees stabbed me in the back to promote themselves. I had a gradual turning point in my mid 30’s. I learned from these experiences and could read people better. I spent time in therapy, learning that trusting yourself is not selfish, it is sanity.
Now when someone exhibits racism, disrespect of women or the LGBTQ community, I know they are not people I can trust, they are not people I will befriend, they are not people I want to do business with. I may ask for clarification before I make my decision, but when someone believes someone else is less than, they will treat me the same way. Each of us deserves to be treated equally. I often hear that it is hateful or anti-Christian to speak out against those that deny the equality and rights of LGBTQ people, want to ban books or the discussion of equity in our schools. No, it is not hateful, it is sane, and it is recognizing that these people are not to be trusted, because they view others as less than.
Many of you know of my investigation of Ken and Stacy Mattson and Tim LeFever and the columns, letters to the editor, and opinion pieces I have written about them over the years. If it had been one store owner who had these beliefs I would have just not patronized them and told my friends about the experience. But, when they began buying the Sonoma Valley it was another level. You could see that everything they said and did was total BS. And I do not feel BS is too strong a word. They talked big, but within a matter of months anyone could see that something was very wrong and they were manipulating and playing this community for their own personal gain. Today the fall-out is that many, many people who did not perceive who the Mattsons and Le Fever really were have had their lives destroyed. And our community has suffered and will suffer because of the massive amount of property they acquired, mismanaged and neglected using a dishonest scheme.
There are differences in magnitude, but our entire country is now going through the same thing under the Trump administration. We ignore the signs of disrespect and dishonesty, we buy the lies told to us. When someone points out the truth they are labeled as “hateful”, when in reality they are simply reading correctly what they see.
Be First to Comment