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Bob Edwards
Snark Infested Waters
Bob Edwards

Draw your favorite prophet

We’ve all heard the latest silliness out of Texas: Gunmen attacked a so-called art exhibit depicting cartoons of the Prophet, M******d, sponsored by right-wingers, some of whom worry that Sharia Law will be imposed on Texas by President Obama. Ironically, typical Sharia Law punishments – stoning, beheading, strangling, etc. – bear a strong resemblance to the preferred responses of many right-wingers to gay marriage, minorities, uppity women, immigrants and abortion doctors.

Nonetheless, there are now unconfirmed rumors (the easiest to work with) that the RNC has seized on the art-show idea and is planning a 2016 contest for its Values Voters, entitled “Draw Your Favorite Prophet. ” The idea is to unite GOP militias around the party platform’s anti-Muslim plank. In celebration of Free Speech.

Still-sketchy details indicate the contest may be funded by the Koch Bros., rumored to have the largest private collection of sketches depicting “People of the Book” still popular among many Republicans -- figures like Moses, Jesus, John the Baptist and Rick Santorum.

Most titillating is word that the collection includes several rare To-Be-Shown-Only-At-The-Risk-Of-Your-Very-Life sketches of the Prophet M******d, drawn from memory with virgin’s blood by early religion-inventing tribes of the mid-east, to whom many of the A-List prophets appeared in a Vision instructing that their likenesses be preserved until the End of Time or “all hell breaks loose,” whichever comes first.

According to authorized leaks, portions of the collection are on display for body-scanned visitors in various Koch Bros. offices around the world, whose secret GPS locations can only be found by caliphates with a Comcast subscription and Google Earth (Street View).

For the anticipated tough campaign against the Democratic Nominee/ess, each Republican presidential hopeful will be asked to submit a drawing for the RNC contest, depicting their personal choice for “The Prophet whose legacy has most impacted our world since 9/11.”

Known as “The Prophets Collection,” it will be on display at the 2016 Republican National Convention. However, in order to foil would-be terrorists (“Islamic Extremists”), the convention will be held at an Undisclosed Location, namely:

The Quicken Loans Arena, 1 Center Court, Cleveland, Ohio 44115-4001, coordinates 410 29’ 47‘’North by 810 41’ 17” West, reportedly just a bomb’s throw from the airport.

Democrats are calling the contest a hateful attempt to divide the country and to bully, provoke and/or tease Muslim Americans. They call on RNC Chairman, Rince Priebus, to (a) disavow the contest as a sorry excuse for lack of a cohesive GOP policy to combat ISIS, and (b) change his name to something more American.

Speaking on condition of anonymity because she was not authorized to speak to the media unless asked, a DNC Staffer said, “Republicans criticize President Obama for lack of a response to ISIS, but refuse to come up with a plan of their own. We challenge GOP tough-guys like John McCain, Ted Cruz and Carly Fiorina to show us their anti-ISIS cajones by publishing their own sketches of M******d, along with their home addresses and where their grandchildren attend school.”

Contacted for a response, Mr. Preibus said he could not be reached for comment. Mr. Edwards is a retiring but not shy attorney and mediator, currently completing the first of a 35-volume set entitled: “American Exceptionalism & Common Sense: The Dumbest Sh*t You Ever Heard.”

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