The 49ers are ruining my marriage! Every time they lose, which seems to be quite often, my husband gets in a foul mood. He moans and yells, and is just a big crab the rest of the day and night. He doesn't get much enjoyment out of it, so why he bothers I just don't understand.
-- Football victim
Dear football victim
There’s no way that I can explain to you why sports fans subject themselves to the agonies and frustrations of their chosen game. (Unless you are a sports fan yourself, and you are apparently not.) So the issue is how his “love” of the game affects you. Of course, I wonder if you’ve talked to him about his crabbiness, which lasts for hours. I wonder if it just lasted an hour or two if it would make a difference to you? There’s room for compromise here if you can talk about it, and if he has some control over his moods.
If not, then what are you going to do to minimize the disruption to your mood and well-being? Take up welding and spend football games making noise in the garage? Start a club for Football Victims? Stock up on films you want to see and lock yourself in the bedroom (and perhaps put earphones on so you don’t hear him). If you have children, of course, your choices are complicated. But you could include the affect on them in your discussion. Short of a satisfactory compromise, this is a situation that requires creative self-care.
-- Good luck, Emily
Technology is driving me crazy! I'm in my sixties, and have been using a computer for years, but now software updates keep leaving my skills behind and ads follow me around the web wherever I go. Nothing seems secure and I hear about hacking and spying and ransomware and, well, I simply don't know what to do. So much require using technology now, but I can't seem to keep up. I'm depressed and worried. Any advice?
-- Feeling Hopeless.
I am with you 100 percent. Technology is the bane of my existence, except for those few things that are great! (But then they keep “improving” things, whether I want them to or not.)
The right kind of computer consultant will do wonders for you! I suspect he or she would help you figure out what you really need or want to be able to do on your computer, and then he or she would help you configure your computer to be able to do those things and dump the rest. Do you needs all those apps? Do you need all those updates? Do you want to be on Facebook? How do you eliminate unwanted photos, email, documents, etc. What about ad-blocking? How much “protection” do you really need? You can’t be expected to know all this, but there are people who do and will help.
You must look not for the most technically proficient person but someone friendly, who will listen to you and help you simplify. If necessary he or she could teach you just what you need to know to do what you want to do. If you are truly interested in computers you could go the other direction and learn more, become somewhat of an expert, take a class. But this does not sound like what you want. You need the computer equivalent of a personal organizer. They’re out there! Ask your friends. Keep looking until you find the right person. I predict that in 3-6 months your life will be free of most computer agonies. I hope!
-- Cheering you on—Emily (much happier since I found my angel computer consultant)