People love gossip, but why? Whether it’s about international figures or the new neighbors next door, sharing juicy tidbits of otherwise secretive information is seductive and most, if not all of us, do it. Gossiping feels somewhat fishy, meaning we all know it stinks, but it also feels empowering to share inside information with others.
The conventional explanations about why we gossip generally include the benefits of social bonding and the way it enhances coherence between individuals and within groups. According to that theory, gossiping has been described as analogous to grooming behavior among chimps, an overt act of social intimacy that calms relationships and builds trust.
Another view is that gossip formed, and remains, a primary social network; before writing or any sort of communication technology; passing on information orally about others was connected to survival, that is, who could be trusted and who could not, sometimes a matter of life and death. Of course, it’s a double-edged sword; gossip can be true or false, and when false it often causes great harm.
If it can either be true or false, what qualifies as gossip? Gossip is sharing information not openly discussed, often speculative and fueled by an emotional attachment to being “in the know.” People are naturally curious but none of us knows everything, and not knowing makes us suspicious about others. Suspicion makes us feel anxious and gossip may help us feel more secure. Survival requires correctly anticipating the future, and gossip is one data point among many.
I think there is another aspect to liking gossip, however; gossiping about others deflects shame, shame about ourselves. At some level, we all experience shame. It can be about our personal appearance or habits, ways of behaving, unpleasant childhood memories, things we’ve said, sexual behavior or preferences, body functions, and particularly, public speaking or becoming the center of attention; shyness is shame related.
There are those who like attention, of course, and even crave it. Determining what’s behind the behavior of such people – celebrities, politicians, billionaires – is the subject of an entire multi-billion dollar mass media gossip industry.
Shame is powerful; it generates humiliation, among the most severe of our emotions and capable of generating terrible rage and violence. So embodied is shame that it generates blushing, a red-faced somatic reaction beyond rational control. Gossiping about others does not make me blush, but hearing gossip about me turns me red, especially when it’s not true.
In its way, most news and journalism is gossip, sometimes elevated to the category of truth-telling, but often not. It keeps us externally focused on what others are doing and distracts us from honest self-evaluation. No wonder it’s so popular. Looking at ourselves is terrifying, the original apocalypse, which etymologically means “parting the veil” or revealing the truth about who we are. To do so is to risk feeling shame; staying externally focused protects us from the fear of examining and revealing ourselves.
The Ninth of the Ten Commandments prohibits “giving false witness,” in other words dishonesty, which gossip often is. One of the primary Buddhist precepts is to refrain from gossip. Such ancient advice, true then and still true, speaks to human weakness, what we should avoid – no matter how tempting – in order to get along well with each other.
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